Spice Girls: Mama

Spice Girls: Mama
Song released 3 March 1997
Music Video
VHS
C+

The double-A side with "Who Do You Think You Are," this is a musical tribute to the Girls' real mothers, who appear onscreen.  My VCR will now rest till we hit 1999.

Spice Girls: Who Do You Think You Are

Spice Girls: Who Do You Think You Are
Song released 3 March 1997
Music Video
VHS
C+

A bunch of middle-aged female celebrities, Lulu and Jennifer Saunders among them, dress as the Spices, and the whole thing comes across as the clumsy for-charity (Comic Relief) lark that it is.

Ellen: Secrets & Ellen

Ellen: Secrets & Ellen
ABC
February 26, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Seventy-seven-year-old veteran actress Eileen Heckart plays Ellen's eightysomething Grammy, whom the family lies to because she's so judgmental.  Meanwhile, Spence has an injury in Las Vegas, while dressed as a Roman soldier, so he wanders the casino deluded, bumping into stand-up comics who had contemporary ABC sitcoms and appear as those characters here (Drew Carey as Drew Carey, Brett Butler as Grace Kelly).  Wayne Newton is a Doctor here, about six years after he was himself on a Roseanne Vegas episode.  I did like a little of the family background, like about Lois's sister Ferne (Spence's mom), but this episode, written by someone who didn't work on any of my other shows, is mostly filler.

Roseanne: The Miracle

Roseanne: The Miracle
ABC
February 25, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B+

Barr wrote the story that Drew Ogier turned into a teleplay, and it shows what they were capable of when they stuck to the family dynamic and left out the lottery etc.  Yes, Roseanne wants to use her money to help her granddaughter survive, but the episode is mostly about the emotions that this closeknit, if often bickering family goes through when Darlene gives birth prematurely and the baby has a small chance of survival.  (Darlene is still only twenty-eight weeks along, so the pregnancy math on this series remains screwy.)  I cried more than once, partly because I've grown to love these characters again, especially David and Darlene, and it's hard to see them in such pain.  Galecki and Gilbert really step up to the acting challenge, particularly together.  Goodman is of course another standout, as he helps David stay strong for Darlene.  The idea of baby Harris being healed by love is corny, but it's all well done.  I realize not every Season Nine episode could be like this, not without crossing into permanent dramedy status, but I'm glad that they at least made this one.

Rick Fitts played Martin Jackson on Generations, but not on the episodes I reviewed; he was a Reporter on Ellen and is a nameless Doctor here.  Michael Des Barres was also on Ellen, as Nigel the Director, and had played two previous Roseanne roles before his appearance here as Dr. Phillips.  Dann Florek returns as Dr. Rudmen.

Ellen: Hello, Dalai

Ellen: Hello, Dalai
ABC
February 19, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this odd Idelson & Lotterstein story, Ellen and Peter go to a retreat run by Dalai Rajhavaari (Iqbal Theba, who was Dr. Bakshi on a couple Roseanne episodes earlier that season).  Peter hurts Ellen's feelings by saying he thinks she's not really happy or honest with herself.  (There's a big audience-tease when Peter "tells himself" he's gay and waits for Ellen to make a similar announcement.)  Meanwhile, someone robs the bookstore, tying up Ellen's four friends in the office, and we never see them rescued, although Ed is spoken of as due to come in in the morning.  Robber Don Yesso was previously Fight Fan #2.

Roseanne: A Second Chance

Roseanne: A Second Chance
ABC
February 18, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B

Cynthia Mort wrote this story where Dan and Roseanne reconcile and Darlene goes into early labor, at seven months.  Lots of drama again, with some humor, and the performances by Goodman, Barr, and Gilbert keep this from getting too soapy.  Note that David is in Chicago but it's not explained why.  Did he take the graphic artist job after all, despite his in-laws winning the lottery?

Darlene's Doctor is played by Dann Florek, who was Principal Hiller before, as well as Mr. Woodruff on Ellen; he'd be back in this role on the following episode and get the last name Rudmen.

Emma

Emma
ITV
16 February 1997
Historical Comedy, Romance
DVD
B

Pride & Prejudice screenwriter Davies also penned this Austen adaptation, which is streamlined (just two hours) but satisfying.  It's well cast, particularly the two leads of Kate Beckinsale as Emma and Mark Strong as Mr. Knightley.  Beckinsale captures Emma in a way that Gwyneth Paltrow (in the big-screen release of a few months earlier) couldn't, from her snobbery to her whimsicality.  Strong is a plain-spoken gentleman, not as handsome as Jeremy Northam of course, but with his own more direct charm.  (When he tells Emma that she's made Harriet too tall in the portrait, this is the Knightley of the book.)  Certainly the Frank/Jane romance is treated better here than in the theatrical release.  My review of that version is available for comparison: http://reviewingeverymovieiown.blogspot.com/2015/04/emma.html, but note that I think both versions are inferior to Clueless:  http://reviewingeverymovieiown.blogspot.com/2015/03/clueless.html.  I would've liked to have seen some characters, such as Emma's sister Isabella, developed more, but there are no plot threads left hanging at least.  Things end not with a wedding but with a harvest festival, in recognition of the lower classes we see throughout the movie, a subtle visual comment that is not called attention to in the script.

Peter Howell was a Magistrate in Jeeves and Wooster and is Mr. Perry here.  Neville Phillips, who was a Member on J & W and Fossett the Footman in P & P, is Thomas here.  Lucy Robinson, who was Mrs. Hurst in P & P, plays another unlikable but more memorable character here, Mrs. Elton.  Nineteen-year-old Samantha Morton, who plays Miss Smith with sweetness and not too much dimness, would take on two very different roles later in the year: Jane Eyre and Sophia Western.

Ellen: Ellen's Deaf Comedy Jam

Ellen: Ellen's Deaf Comedy Jam
ABC
February 12, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Jennifer Fisher story, Paige's ex-fiance Matt returns but to get back his grandmother's earrings to give to his new fiancee.  Spence assumes Matt is still interested in Paige, so he woos her, and she doesn't tell him the truth.  Meanwhile, Ellen thinks that a deaf man that Audrey (who's broken up with Mike just in time for Valentine's Day) is interested in is interested in Ellen.  When that's straightened out, Ellen promises that she'll never again let a man come between them.  And earlier in the episode, Audrey keeps coming over to sleep (platonically) with Ellen.

Roseanne: Some Enchanted Merger

Roseanne: Some Enchanted Merger
ABC
February 11, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C

Roseanne has a crush on Edward Wellman, Jr. (James Brolin again), to the point that she has daydreams about him in thought balloons.  Meanwhile, Mark gives D.J. bad advice on girls.  I couldn't get into either thread and was leaning towards C-, but I did laugh out loud at the "consummation" montage that includes not only a roaring fire but donuts and a Clinton-Gore victory.  Richard Paul is listed in the IMDB credits again, so I guess he was in one of the daydream sequences.  This is the first of three Roseanne episodes written by voice actress April Winchell.

Ellen: Ellen Unplugged

Ellen: Ellen Unplugged
ABC
February 5, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

On the previous episode, it was a couple weeks till Ellen's birthday.  Here her present is a stay at rock & roll fantasy camp, with her four best friends along.  The script by Alex Herschlag is a little awkward but it does have some more audience-teases, with Spence naming lesbian singers that Ellen could be like.  And the musical performances are nice of course.

Derek McGrath was Tony Petardi on Who's the Boss? and is Stanley Peck here.  DeGeneres's brother Vance this time plays a Guitarist at the Audition, while Drummer at the Audition Paul Crowder previously was a Trendy Man.  David Crosby, Sheryl Crow, Queen Latifah, Aaron Neville (who was in a recent title sequence), and Bonnie Raitt all appear as themselves.

Roseanne: Lanford's Elite

Roseanne: Lanford's Elite
ABC
February 4, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This episode manages to be both a little slow-moving and a bit forced, although it's only when we see two clips from the season-one-closer that it's evident how much of the raw energy has gone from the show.  (I tagged Natalie West, even though Crystal doesn't have any lines.)  At the Lanford Country Club, Roseanne meets Edward Wellman, Jr. (James Brolin in the first of two cameos), son of the Wellman family who owned the plastics factory that Roseanne and Jackie used to work for.  He convinces her to buy the factory for $1 million, and then she'll turn it over to the workers.  Richard Paul makes his first of two appearances as an apparently nameless character and doesn't look much different than he did in the early '80s on Match Game.  Allan Stephan wrote the story, but the teleplay is the first of two Roseanne writing gigs for Richard Whitley, while Whitley's partner on the teleplay, Bob Rubin, had played an Audience Member earlier in the season.

Roseanne: The War Room

Roseanne: The War Room
ABC
January 28, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Not much happens in this Bob Nickman story, where Roseanne has been lying in bed eating junk food for four days, out of depression, and the family tries to pull her out of it.  This is the episode where she and Jackie turn the diner over to Leon and Nancy.  Heather (Matarazzo again) returns and meets Roseanne.  Note that Roseanne makes a reference to Ellen DeGeneres being "Lebanese."

Ellen: Makin' Whoopie

Betty DeGeneres's back of head on the left side

Ellen: Makin' Whoopie
ABC
January 22, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

I was going to go with a C+ for this David Flebotte story where Ellen gets drunk at a wine-tasting party hosted by a doctor Spence is trying to impress, but she does a nice rendition of the title tune.  Meanwhile Joe sells Canadian-themed jokes to Audrey's boyfriend Mike (Dana Gould again), which bomb until they go to a Canadian comedy club with Paige.  Degeneres's mother Betty is an uncredited but easily spottable Woman at the Party.  Director Iris Dugow didn't work on any other of my shows.

This is my 2600th television post.  We will definitely hit 2700, but not necessarily by the end of the '90s.

Ellen: Joe's Kept Secret

Ellen: Joe's Kept Secret

ABC

January 15, 1997

Sitcom

DVD
B

Ellen's realtor Margaret (Nancy Lenehan again) talks her into getting a nook for her house.  So Joe has his friend Madeline (Florence Henderson) pulls some strings for Ellen to get a building permit.  But it turns out that Joe, who's been secretly seeing Madeline for four months, is a kept man.  Ellen talks him into giving back Madeline's gifts, but soon finds herself under Madeline's spell, and we see Ellen transformed into a well-dressed shopaholic.  There are some lines here that play off not only Ellen's closeted state but also Henderson's Brady past, and overall Dava Savel's writing is good.  Even the Spence subplot, where he considers getting a tattoo to apologize to Paige for ruining her kitchen, isn't bad.

Rick Hall makes his second appearance as Contractor #1.  Paige is absent, presumably still in Canada on the Bob Saget project.  John Tracy, whose TV directing career goes back to the '70s, including two Bosom Buddies episodes and one Who's the Boss? episode, here does his only Ellen episode.

Roseanne: Hit the Road Jack

Roseanne: Hit the Road Jack
ABC
January 14, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Barr wrote this downer episode where Roseanne C spends most of the episode driving around, listening to the radio, and eating junk food, as she avoids Dan before he flies back to California.  Fishman gets a rare chance to show his dramatic chops, when D.J. yells at Dan, and then later in the episode he meets a quirky girl, Heather (Danzaly named Heather Matarazzo in her first of four appearances in the role), who shares his love of film.

Ellen: Alone Again...Naturally

Ellen: Alone Again...Naturally
ABC
January 8, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Ellen babysits Ed's daughters Willa and Emily (Sarah Dampf and Cristine Rose) for New Year's Eve, but she makes a resolution to "live dangerously," which means going to a romantic French restaurant on her own and taking a pottery class.  The writing in this Mark Wilding story is pretty solid, including the Ghost parody, but I had to mark it down from a B because of the subplot where Spence and Joe accidentally and stupidly burn Paige's kitchen.  Note that Ellen finds a bathroom attendant to be a better therapist than the professionals she's paying $75/hour (which honestly doesn't sound that much for L.A., considering what Bob Hartley charged in the '70s), and even shares a dream about K.D. Lang (another fourth-season hint/tease).

Bob Saget again plays himself, this time filming a Canadian movie for Lifetime, with Paige overseeing the budget.

Roseanne: Say It Ain't So

Roseanne: Say It Ain't So
ABC
January 7, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B

This Nancy Steen story is definitely more drama than comedy, with the comic subplot being D.J. wanting to film Darlene's birth but grossed out by the videotape of her (unseen) friend Janet's birth.  It's the day after Christmas and Jackie confronts Dan about the phone call she overheard.  It turns out he has feelings for his mother's nurse but they haven't (yet?) had sex.  Jackie says that if Dan doesn't tell Roseanne, she will. Dan eventually does and both he and Roseanne say this wouldn't have happened if not for the lottery money.  Jackie is the audience surrogate, sharing our anger and disappointment in Dan, although of course in retrospect we know that it didn't "really" happen like that.  Nonetheless, at this moment in time, in the middle of the final season, early in 1997, a near perfect husband and father has failed his family and us.

Note that Darlene is 25 weeks along, which means she would've conceived in early July, which doesn't exactly match up to her plans in the proposal episode to take summer classes, or to D.J. worrying about missing school for the Disney World trip.

Tompkins Square: Greg Proops

Tompkins Square: Greg Proops
Comedy Central
August 31, 1996
Stand-Up Comedy
VHS
B

This Dana-Gould-hosted series kicked off with a pilot that featured Proops among others.  Having seen Greg live a couple times around then, I can vouch for this being a typical set, with its contrast of cultures, in this case, "Lo Cal" (Southern California), England, and Mexico.  It still holds up well, although it would've been interesting to see some New York humor, considering the setting.

John Lennon: Instant Karma

John Lennon: Instant Karma
VH1
Song released 6 February 1970
Music Video
VHS
B

This recording, originally aired on Top of the Pops, shouldn't work, with its strange mix of dancing teens, a blindfolded Yoko holding up cue cards with concepts like "peace" and "hope," and Lennon (definitely not coming across as lip-synching) snarling his way through this catchy but bittersweet tune.  But it does work and is perhaps more interesting now than at the time.

George Harrison: Blow Away

George Harrison: Blow Away
VH1
14 February 1979
Music Video
VHS
B-

This came out late enough in the '70s that it not only is pretty much a Music Video As We Know Them, but there are some not bad special effects.  It's not a very memorable song though.

Ringo Starr: Back Off Boogaloo

Ringo Starr: Back Off Boogaloo
VH1
Song released 17 March 1972
Music Video
VHS
B-

One of Ringo's Top Ten hits, this sort of has an actual video, although why he's befriending Frankenstein is lost in the mists of time.

Paul McCartney: Maybe I'm Amazed

Paul McCartney: Maybe I'm Amazed
VH1
Song released 17 April 1970
Music Video
VHS
B-

McCartney's early solo hit paired with pictures of him and his family from that time, airing on an 8-Track Flashback episode dedicated to the Beatles' independent careers in the '70s.

Ellen: Fleas Navidad

Ellen: Fleas Navidad
ABC
December 18, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Newman & Stark story, Ellen delays joining Paige on a Mexican vacation when she takes in a stray dog.  As an in-joke, she names the dog Vance, DeGeneres's brother's name.  A more obvious in-joke is when, in the tag, Ellen Morgan gets an Ellen DeGeneres album and wonders if the rumors are true about the comedienne.

Walter Denbo's voice will be instantly recognizable to Who's the Boss? viewers, since John Del Regno had a recurring role as Tony's friend Philly Fingers.  Customer #1 Patrick Harrigan would be a Waiter later in the season.

Roseanne: Home for the Holidays

Roseanne: Home for the Holidays
ABC
December 17, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

Barr wrote the story that Lawrence Broch based the teleplay on, but this is no flight of absurd fancy.  Dan comes home and is warmly welcomed by his family and the studio audience.  However, something feels off, especially in his treatment of Roseanne.  Jackie overhears him talking to someone he misses, someone who looks after his mother.  She and we realize that Dan is having an affair.  The fallout would begin in the next episode.

Allan Stephan's last onscreen role is Santa Claus in the tag.  Note that the Christmas episode of four years before (with everyone snowed in at various locations) was called "It's No Place Like Home for the Holidays."

Spice Girls: 2 Become 1

Spice Girls: 2 Become 1
Song released 16 December 1996
Music Video
VHS
B-

The Spices sing about making love, including condoms.  ("Be a little bit wiser, Baby.  Put it on.  Put it on.")  A slower song, with the Girls green-screened against city scenes.

Ellen: Bowl, Baby, Bowl

Ed/Audrey?  No, he's just being helpful.

Ellen: Bowl, Baby, Bowl
ABC
December 4, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

DeGeneres's brother Vance wrote this story where Ellen and Ed compete at bowling and then pool.  Some scattered funny lines, but it is a sports episode.  The pre-title scene teases us about Ellen going back and forth between men and women, but she's saying this to her latest (male) therapist.  Sara Dampf and Cara Rose again play Ed's daughters Willa and Emily, and we find out that Ed's wife (played by Duet's Mary Page Keller) is very pregnant, although we'll never see her again.  This is the first of three Ellen episodes directed by Lorraine Sevre-Richmond.

Roseanne: Mothers and Other Strangers

Mary's house is full of Shelley Winters memorabilia, a nice touch.

Roseanne: Mothers and Other Strangers
ABC
December 3, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Barr & Mort story has Roseanne wondering how Dan will adjust to the changes in her and in their home when he returns for Christmas.  Meanwhile, Bev visits Nana Mary's home and the two of them talk some things out, although Mary can't tell Bev who her father is.  While this episode doesn't exactly get things back on track, it's a hopeful sign, and it's only in retrospect that Roseanne's line to Jerry about "some crazy lady making all this up" is not just about Roseanne Barr but about Roseanne Conner.  Darlene, looking like she's maybe five months along, is again the voice of reason.  As for the other plot, this is Shelley Winters's last TV appearance, although she'd live for almost another decade, and it's a nice one to end up on, she and Parsons showing their acting chops, despite their sometimes cartoonish characters on this show.

Ellen: Kiss My Bum

Ellen: Kiss My Bum
ABC
November 27, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

David Walpert wrote this story where Ellen volunteers at a soup kitchen to prove her charitability to Ed.  She bonds with another helper, Perry (a surprisingly serious Joe Flaherty), and invites him to Thanksgiving dinner.  She doesn't realize that Perry is homeless, so things get very awkward.  Meanwhile, Spence's mother Ferne (Kathleen Noone in the first of two appearances) visits from New York, and Spence assumes she won't like Paige.  (She doesn't but is very nice to Paige to her face.)  This episode is a bit heavy-handed, but I like the playing with stereotypes during the football game, with Peter and Barrett yelling at the TV, while Spence and Joe discuss pies.

Roseanne: Home Is Where the Afghan Is

Roseanne: Home Is Where the Afghan Is
ABC
November 26, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Not a great episode, but it's nice to have a semi-normal story, written by Lawrence Broch, with much of the cast.  (Dan's absence is emphasized, but we never learn why neither Becky is there.)  Roseanne has Thanksgiving catered but misses cooking, and she's adjusting to the new interior decorations.  Darlene is a nice reality check.  However, the thing of Bev drunkenly outing herself, after saying how awful it is that Scott and Leon want to adopt, is forced.  (I did keep an eye out for Gilbert's reactions though.)  The Prince turns out to have been educated in Texas, so that's equally implausible, if perhaps more comfortable for Varney to portray.

This time Bob Fuller plays a Caterer.  I'm omitting Cole Roberts and the Hazen twins from the overcrowded tags.

Ellen: The Pregnancy Test

Ellen: The Pregnancy Test
ABC
November 20, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

Mark Driscoll wrote this story where Paige thinks she's pregnant, so Audrey suggests that the two of them, and Ellen, take home pregnancy tests.  One of the tests comes out positive, and it's assumed to be Paige's.  Then Paige gets her period, so Audrey seems to be the pregnant one, and so of course blurts this out to Audrey's boyfriend Mike (Dana Gould, who does his most famous joke here, the one about Don Knotts as an obscene phone caller).  In the end, it's just a false positive, but, as Ellen tells her latest therapist (Marilyn Kagan, who was Althea on Mork & Mindy fifteen years earlier), she resents the implication that she couldn't be a mother.  There's a definite subtext that Ellen is avoiding dealing with her sexuality, but even on a surface level, we see that she feels different from her friends, and has all her life.

Chris D'Arienzo plays a nameless Customer again.  ZZ Top appear in this week's title sequence, and, yes, Ellen wears a beard for that.  Alan Myerson previously directed, among many series, The Bob Newhart Show and Welcome Back, Kotter; he'd do two more for Ellen.

Roseanne: Roseambo

Roseanne: Roseambo
ABC
November 19, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
D+

Well, it's not the worst Roseanne episode, but it might be the furthest from the basic concept of the series.  Written by two people who didn't work on any other of my shows (or do much else according to IMDB), this has Roseanne and some of her family accompanying Dr. Bakshi (Iqbal Theba again) to Washington, D.C.  The train is hijacked by multi-ethnic misogynist terrorists from Monistat.  (Yes, a yeast infection joke, and Roseanne defeats one terrorist with a tampon.)  I know Barr would later claim that this episode was a metaphor for her dealings with men in Hollywood, but if she's making a feminist point, why are her mother and sister bigger ninnies than ever?  Not that Mark and D.J. come across much better of course.  (That even Sarah Chalke sat this one out tells you how little of a showcase it was for the rest of the cast.)  The episode almost works as an action-movie parody, but it's too muddled.  It's easily the strangest episode of the series where we're supposed to believe that these are real events in the lives of the Conner family, rather than some strange daydream.

Photographer Scott McKinley played a Party Guest earlier in the season.  Not only does this have Steven Seagal, Don King, and Mike Tyson as themselves, and a professional Hillary Clinton impersonator, but poor Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, whom we last saw as himself on Ellen, plays a terrorist named Louis.  Gary Halvorson had directed the "My Five Dads" episode of On the Television, but he was working with much better material then.  We'll see how he does with his seven remaining Roseanne directing gigs.

Ellen: Not So Great Expectations

Ellen: Not So Great Expectations
ABC
November 13, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In Ellen Idelson & Rob Lotterstein's first of two Ellen stories, Ellen's mother joins a video-dating service and meets Vic (the still handsome, then sixty-one-year-old Lyle Waggoner).  Ellen, who continues to take her parents' separation very seriously, tries to interfere of course, including at a country bar where Trisha Yearwood is performing.

Debra Mooney, who was Mrs. Wellman on Roseanne in '90, plays Barbara here.  Doorman Dan Finnerty would have two other Ellen roles.  And, yes, Devo appear as themselves in the title sequence, fourteen years after their Square Pegs episode.

Roseanne: Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti

'90s Comedy Central viewers would get a kick out of the casting.

Roseanne: Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti
ABC
November 12, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Leif Sandaas co-wrote (with someone with almost zero other credits) this not-bad-for-Season-Nine story where Astrid Wentworth (Mo Gaffney again) invites Roseanne and family to stay with the Wentworths at Martha's Vineyard.  The class contrast is a little weak, but stronger than anything we've seen so far this season, even if the ultimate message is that the rich (or at least this rich family anyway) are basically nice people who just need to loosen up.  (And that Roseanne Barr would end up supporting an uninhibited rich man for President is one of history's ironies.) 

Note that the teenage girl of the household thinks D.J. is a "bad boy" and tries to seduce him, but he's a scared virgin.  D.J. is now 15 and this won't be the last we'll hear of his "love life."  Also, since I had to omit Fishman from the overcrowded tags thrice in the past, this is actually his 200th episode.

Stella Butler, who previously was a sassy Jerry Springer Audience Member, here is sassy Nurse Stella.  This time Phil Leeds plays Grandmama Lily.  Iqbal Theba would reprise his role as Dr. Bakshi in the next episode and would be on Ellen the following year.  Stand-up comic Dana Gould, who's Chip here, would also soon appear on Ellen.  Cole Roberts is still baby Jerry, and the Hazen twins are still listed for Andy, but Andy's hair is darker now.

Ellen: Harold and Ellen

Ellen: Harold and Ellen
ABC
November 6, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

This uneven but sometimes very funny and touching story by Alex Herschlag has Ellen trying to take care of her father while her mother is away, despite Ellen's own injury and inability to bake a pie.  And I almost liked Spence in this one, where he and Joe may or may not be abducted by aliens.  (This isn't Soap or Roseanne, so I think it's just a tag gag.)  Note that Bristow does some more operatic singing.

Surprisingly, there are two Gidget connections here.  A heavily disguised Harvey Korman plays Ellen's therapist du jour, over thirty years after his Gidget appearance.  This is the only Ellen episode directed by Michael Lembeck, whom I mostly know as a an actor (including on One Day at a Time, which I do not own), and this is 27 years after he appeared in Gidget Grows Up.

Ellen: The Bubble Gum Incident

Ellen: The Bubble Gum Incident
ABC
October 30, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

David Walpert's first of five Ellen stories reveals that Ellen and Paige's friendship is built on a lie.  They met in summer camp 25 years ago, as we've heard in other episodes.  But it turns out that Ellen put gum in Paige's hair while the latter was asleep, and let another girl take the blame for it all this time.  Ellen fears Paige learning the truth when they attend their camp reunion, but Paige is remarkably forgiving when she hears.

Romy Rosemont, who was Margaret D. on Roseanne, is The Woman here.  Wolfgang Puck, who was himself on Who's the Boss? in '87, is himself in the title sequence.  As far as I know, Anne Rice doesn't appear in any other of my shows.  And, yes, that is Kaley Cuoco playing Little Ellen in the flashbacks, at the age of 11, eleven years before she'd become Penny on The Big Bang Theory.

Roseanne: Satan, Darling

Roseanne: Satan, Darling
ABC
October 29, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C-

Well, it's better than the spa episode, but still pretty random.  Let me just list the guest stars and then we can try to sort out the "plot":

• Mo Gaffney as Astrid Wentworth;
• Arianna Huffington as Estree Longet
• Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders as their Absolutely Fabulous characters Edina Monsoon and Patsy Stone;
• and Marlo Thomas as Tina Beige, "that witch" in the nightmare portion;

So, Roseanne Barr co-wrote this story with Erin Quigley, the series costume designer, which sort of explains some of the costumes, and then co-wrote the teleplay with Saunders.  And she directed it.  It's actually a surprise it's not worse than it is.

Roseanne [Conner] and Jackie go to a high society party with Nancy, who soon ditches them and disappears from the episode.  They mingle and are clearly going to be exploited for their newfound wealth.  In the spa episode, Roseanne just took the abuse instead of standing up to it, while here she has a drunken dream that takes the form of Rosemary's Baby, with eight-weeks-pregnant Darlene heavy with Satan's child.  The spa visit and Jackie's relationship with the prince are referenced, and Astrid invites the two sisters to visit her at her home, setting up another episode.  The series has clearly slipped its moorings by this point, but you can't exactly call it dull.  And, yes, I guess this counts as this season's Halloween episode.

Ernest Harada, who was Mr. Jan (from the school board as I recall) thrice on Welcome Back, Kotter, has a nameless role here.  Kathleen Freeman, who was a Seaweed Attendant in the previous episode, is Edna here.  Party Guest Scott McKinley would soon play a Photographer.  Phil Leeds's middle of three Roseanne roles is as a waiter.  And a grayed-up 41-year-old Jim J. Bullock (from Too Close to Comfort) is Al.

This is the 1600th sitcom episode I've reviewed.  Yes, we'll get to 1700.

Ellen: Looking Out for Number One

Ellen: Looking Out for Number One
ABC
October 23, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this David Flebotte story, Ellen's new therapist, Claire, encourages her to be honest and assertive, but Ellen finds this challenging after witnessing Claire peeing in a parking lot.  Yes, the episode title is a pun, one which is spoken at one point.

Richard Roat, who was Dr. Thompson on The Bob Newhart Show and Phil Davis on Who's the Boss?. is the Mortgage Broker here. 

Roseanne: Pampered to a Pulp

Roseanne: Pampered to a Pulp
ABC
October 22, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
D-

The shark ate well that night.  Roseanne and Jackie go to a spa and not only are there zero laughs but it's unpleasant to watch the two sisters get various treatments.  Even more than with Ellen and Paige on the "spa" episode of Ellen, I don't see why they can't just leave.  They're physically tormented and verbally abused.  At one point, a strict German woman makes what I swear is a Nazi joke that the laugh track doesn't get.  (She tells them it's time to go to the showers.)  I seriously considered an F+, but, while not exactly entertaining, it was sort of nice to see two Zappa children: Moon Unit and Ahmet (who had previously played Mark's friend Royal).  Dan and the kids are all absent here, which also does not bode well.

Yoga Instructor Jonathan Emerson was a Lucky Customer on Ellen a couple years earlier.  Ken Kells has his third Roseanne role, as Ken.  Colleen Camp's final Roseanne role is as Jill.  And Kathleen Freeman, who has a ton of credits going back to the dawn of television, here plays a Seaweed Attendant (possibly the German) and would soon return as Edna.  Sadly, this is Laurie Metcalf's 200th episode.

Ellen: The Parent Trap

Fishers

Ellen: The Parent Trap
ABC
October 16, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Newman & Stark story, Ellen is still having trouble accepting her parents' separation, so she concocts a scheme that's like Hailey Mills and, as Spence notes in the umpteenth I Love Lucy comparison, like something out of classic TV.  But I thought of Gilligan's Island, where the scheme to recreate a romantic date for a couple in late middle age actually works, sexy redhead entertainer (Ginger rather than Paige) and all.  Here, they even get Eddie Fisher (Joely's father) to sing as he did in Cuba 1958.  But Harold and Lois can't be reconciled, yet anyway.  And Ellen goes back to Dr. Whitcomb (Paxton Whitehead), but he wants her to see other therapists, which she will, throughout the season, with surprising results.  Meanwhile we hear the word "gay" on the show for the first time, when Spence is being rude to Barrett while working for Paige.

Roseanne: Someday My Prince Will Come

Roseanne: Someday My Prince Will Come
ABC
October 15, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C-

Janet Leahy and Carrie Snow's last Roseanne story is one that is ostensibly set in the real world, as opposed to the ones that are "daydreams."  But it's about Jackie being swept off her feet by Prince Carlos of Moldavia (Jim Varney, deliberately cast against type).  There's no conflict here, and not much humor.  Also, I'm supposed to believe that Roseanne would include Leon on a trip to Manhattan?  Varney would return only once more and I can't remember why Carlos and Jackie didn't stay together.  This plot thread would soon be overshadowed by much greater departures from realism.

Spice Girls; Say You'll Be There

Spice Girls; Say You'll Be There
Song released 14 October 1996
Music Video
VHS
B-

Set in the Mojave Desert and taking the form of an action movie, this has one of the biggest disconnects between subject matter and visuals of any music videos we've looked at in this project.  I suppose you could argue that a man who's captured and tied to the roof of a car "will always be there."  I almost went with a C+, but the slick production values provide a nice contrast to the cheerful sloppiness of the "Wannabe" video.

Roseanne: Honor Thy Mother

Roseanne: Honor Thy Mother
ABC
October 8, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this story that Bob Nickman co-wrote with someone who didn't work on any other of my shows, we don't find out what the title means until far into the episode.  Dan is a funk, wondering about the meaning of life since the family became rich.  He realizes he wants to help his mom by taking her to a good psychiatric hospital in Santa Monica.  Meanwhile, Roseanne and Jackie plan a trip to a spa, which would become a plot in a couple episodes, but first we'll see an episode that builds on the tag, which includes the back of a head and voice of a character that (uncredited here, to keep it mysterious) would be played by Jim "Ernest" Varney.

Staff writer Allan Stephan here plays Allan.  This is James Pickens, Jr.'s last appearance as Chuck and I'm glad he's given something meaty to work with for a change, in the scene where he tries to talk to Dan.  Note that this is at least Leon's third time playing poker with Dan.  And sweet David's complaint about Darlene is that she won't let him spoil her.

Ellen: Splitsville, Man

Ellen: Splitsville, Man
ABC
October 2, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

While there are definitely things I like about this story, Matt Goldman's first of two for Ellen, from the Captain & Tennille in the title sequence to Ellen teasing the audience with a line about her whole life maybe being a lie and she might actually be left-handed, it's hard for me to get past the scene of her humiliating her parents at her father's retirement party because she's so upset about the separation.  Note that Ellen is 34 and her parents have been together 37 years.  Ed, who last episode said he had a five-year-old, here has a four-year-old, confirming my theory that his daughters are close in age.  Also, this is the second episode where Ellen sits in one of the O's of the Hollywood sign, so they get to reuse that set.

John Petlock, who was a Minister on Who's the Boss? a decade earlier, is Uncle Jim here, while Pat Crawford Brown, who was Mary on WtB in '88, plays Rose.  John David Conti, who was Lou on Roseanne in '91, is Tom here.  Nancy Lenehan is again Margaret the realtor, here getting the last name Reed.

Roseanne: What a Day for a Daydream

Roseanne: What a Day for a Daydream
ABC
October 1, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C

This Kaplan & Testa story is a good example of the schizophrenia of this series, especially in its later years.  Richard Kaplan wrote the best episode of Season Eight, where Darlene announces her pregnancy, while Garland Testa wrote "Springtime for David," one of the odd fantasy episodes of that season.  And here some pretty good scenes of the family sitting around the dinner table (apparently eating more veggies than they used to) are interspersed with Roseanne's pointless daydreams about Jerry Springer, Playboy, and the Miss Universe pageant.  I'm not entirely against fantasy sequences of course, but I don't believe that they always work on this show.

Master of Ceremonies Johnny Dark, who was Danny on the "daydream" episode of Just the Ten of Us, would return as Frank Andrews.  Audience Member Tory Christopher was Cousin Conner on the previous episode, while Audience Member Stella Butler would be Nurse Stella on an episode later that year.  And, yes, it was weird today watching the now recently deceased Hugh Hefner on a show from over twenty years ago, when he was already an elderly icon.

This was Roseanne's 200th episode, and thus John Goodman's 200th appearance on this blog.  That (not because of my blog) is why the cake is rolled in when Michael Fishman wants to do an Emmy-worthy scene as Moses.

Ellen: A Deer Head for Joe

Ellen: A Deer Head for Joe
ABC
September 25, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Mark Driscoll story introduces Bruce Campbell (yes, that Bruce Campbell) as Ellen's new boss Ed Billik, with whom she literally and figuratively locks horns.  When Ed fires Joe, Ellen steals Ed's deer-head trophy for a trade.  Meanwhile, Spence and Paige decide to go on an actual date, although they have nothing in common.  (Yes, neither did Adam and Audrey, but not that much time was spent on them.)

Chris D'Arienzo makes the first of two appearances as a nameless Customer, while Latte Customer Juliana Morgan would return as a Lesbian's Daughter.  Six-year-old Sara Dampf and Cara Rose (age unknown, but close to that) make their first appearances as Ed's daughters Willa and Emily.