Three's Company: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Three's Company: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
ABC
January 4, 1983
Sitcom
DVD
C

This Ellen Guylas episode has its moments, like when Janet dismisses her back being covered with grass with a quick "I fell," but the basic premise would only work with much darker comedy.  Terri has been having bad luck with men lately, so Janet and Jack fix him up with Janet's regular customer Ray Martin (Granville Van Dusen, who was Dr. Hill on Soap).  Unlike the early 3'sC episode where Jack resented having to cook for Chrissy and her food-snob date, he here happily volunteers to cook for Terri and Ray.  (A sign of maturity or of a lack of serious romantic interest in Terri?)  Things seem to be going OK, except for Ray being a little jealous of Jack.  But while Mr. Furley and Janet are having one of their Scrabble dates, Ralph realizes he saw Ray in a detective magazine, as a murderer!  Fluffy farce calls for this to be some mistake, like it's a fake story and Ray is a model or something.  But, no, he did the crime and the time, and everyone ends up apologizing to him.  I can understand wanting to recognize he's been punished, but it's not like their suspicions were wrong.  And, as with Tambor's portrayal of the man from "the loony ward," Van Dusen gives the role a sinister undertone that's hard to ignore.  (And he had it on Soap, too, something about his eyes.)

M*A*S*H: U.N., the Night and the Music

M*A*S*H: U.N., the Night and the Music
CBS
January 3, 1983
Dramedy
DVD
B-

This Davis & Pollock show has three UN delegates visit the 4077th and each teach or learn something:

• The Indian teaches Potter, Klinger, and eventually Hawkeye about meditation;
• The Brit teaches Charles something unexpected about snobbery;
• And the Swede, Per Johannsen (Dennis Holahan, who's actually from Connecticut, and ironically appear on the pilot of Connecticut-set Who's the Boss?, as Angela's boss/boyfriend Grant), learns that Margaret can be attracted to him but also value him for other qualities than physical.  (A war injury has made him permanently impotent.

Meanwhile, BJ identifies heavily with a patient who has a wife and little girl.  I'm not sure how well this all holds together, but I do like the last moment between Margaret and Hawkeye, where she thanks him for being a "jerk."  Note that Swit later married Holahan, more irony.

Brigitte Chandler makes her first of three appearances as a nameless Nurse.  Kellye Nakahara (Yamato), Shari Saba (Lt. Shari), and Bill Snider (this time as the Bartender) return.  Morgan directed.

Square Pegs: It's All How You See Things

Square Pegs: It's All How You See Things
CBS
December 27, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Janis Hirsch story is another with the basic cast of eight.  As in the theme song, Patty doesn't want to but has to wear her glasses.  She ends up causing an accident when she stops wearing them, and Lauren's leg gets broken.  Patty is annoyed at all the attention Lauren gets, when no one feels bad about her "handicap" of near-sightedness.  Meanwhile, LaDonna wants to be a d.j. on the campus radio, so she and Jennifer are nice to Lauren to get her to talk to station manager Marshall.  (Note that LaDonna's use of the word "Madonna" has pre-Ms.-Ciccone associations.)  There's a cute moment at the end when Johnny trades his sunglasses for Patty's eyeglasses.  The music, including by Josie Cotton, seems to be intact as far as I can tell.

M*A*S*H: Run for the Money

M*A*S*H: Run for the Money
CBS
December 20, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
C

I don't really care about either thread in this Davis & Pollock story (with Farrell as co-writer): Father Mulcahy running a race to raise money for the orphanage, and Charles befriending a soldier who stutters, although it is notable that we hear the stuttering voice of his sister Honoria (not listed at IMDB).

Thomas Callaway, who played Phillip on Soap, is Capt. Sweeney here.  Kellye Nakahara returns as Yamato.

Square Pegs: Child's Christmas in Weemawee

Square Pegs: Child's Christmas in Weemawee
CBS
December 20, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

There's something off about this episode, but I don't know if it's Gross & Hirsch's writing or Hughes's direction.  Some of the jokes fall flat and the acting (with the exception of Parker) isn't at the level it usually is.  Also, it feels like it could've been reduced to a regular half hour, rather than a full hour.  Anyway, it's Christmas time and Patty's divorced father (Tony Dow, right before all the Leave It to Beaver comeback stuff) wants to spend time with her, but Lauren wants to crash parties.  This episode confirms that Johnny lives with his grandparents (hinted at before), mentions Vinnie's sister, and names Mr. Spacek's wife as Nellie.  (An in-joke about him maybe being gay?  It's hard to tell.)

Show creator Anne Beatts makes a cameo as Miss Rezucha.  Caitlin Adams and Craig Richard Nelson return as teachers Ms. Loomis and Mr. Spacek.

Three's Company: The Impossible Dream

Three's Company: The Impossible Dream
ABC
December 14, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Shelley Zellman wrote this story where Larry's dream is to sing in Jack's Bistro.  Even though he was previously established as a good singer, here he's very cheesy in a Bill-Murray-lounge-singer kind of way.  Meanwhile, Jack not having learned any lesson from the "grand opening" episode, hires Mr. Furley as kitchen help.

M*A*S*H: The Moon Is Not Blue

M*A*S*H: The Moon Is Not Blue
CBS
December 13, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B-

Larry Balmagia's last M*A*S*H script was an early introduction for me to the concept of placebos and to the once controversial movie The Moon Is Blue, which actually didn't come out until July of '53.  Watching the episode now, I was amused that Charles knows Boston well enough that something being banned in that city doesn't necessarily mean much, and I would've liked to have had them show, not just refer to, High Noon, since Harry Morgan was in that (playing a character with a wife named Mildred as it happens).

Sandy Helberg, who was Gopher in the first Love Boat TV-movie, plays Corporal Bannister.  Hamilton Camp (this time as Maj. Frankenheimer), Jan Jorden (Nurse Baker), Jeff Maxwell (Straminsky), Kellye Nakahara (Yamato), Frank Slaten (Corpsman Frank), and Larry Ward (this time as Gen. Rothaker) return.

Square Pegs: Hardly Working

Square Pegs: Hardly Working
CBS
December 13, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Borowitz & Hirsch story just has the basic cast of eight and much of it is set at the Grease, where Jennifer takes a job as a waitress and hopes that no one will find out.  (Yes. there's a semi-in-joke about the Waitresses.)  Jennifer's father is having a temporary setback with his car lot (he was formerly the richest man in town, suggesting the town isn't that large), and soon Muffy is putting her on the level of Rosarita, the Guatemalan little girl whose sponsorship Muffy has mentioned in many previous episodes.  Reaganomics and "trickling down" are mentioned, and I did laugh out loud in a kind of "ouch" way when Florence Henderson was referred to as a has-been.  Note that Lauren offers to go out with Marshall if he'll forget the telethon, but he'd rather do the telethon.  (So much for being in love.)

Three's Company: The Brunch

Three's Company: The Brunch
ABC
December 7, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Things I like about this episode:

• Janet and Terri's "wholesome" outfits and how all the compliments on Janet's offend her;
• Earl Boen's performance as Reverend Gilmore, who I suspect is a belated parody of the sort of hypocritical clergymen who objected to the series early on (he's distracted by money);
• That it finds a way to work both Mr. Angelino (Jordan Charney) and Felipe (Gino Conforti) into the new setting of the bistro.

Things that bug me about this episode:

• There are too many cooks, on and off the screen, with Grossman & Burditt having written the teleplay based on a story they co-wrote with two men who have no other writing credits;
• When Jack sees Mr. Furley fighting with Felipe and then guzzling champagne, why can't he send him home?
• It's obvious that as soon as Larry comes in with a woman dressed like a stereotypical librarian that she's going to go wild in some way, but the pay-off isn't executed as well as the bits with the honeymooners.
• Miss Arlington (Irene Tedrow, who previously was Martha) skips out without paying, despite being rich, and no one notices.

M*A*S*H: Settling Debts

M*A*S*H: Settling Debts
CBS
December 6, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B-

In this Mumford & Wilcox story, Mildred writes to Hawkeye about paying off the mortgage, so the gang decides to hold a little surprise party for Sherman to celebrate.  Meanwhile, a popular officer is injured and his men want revenge on his sniper.  One of the few episodes (the only?) to show Charles plastered.

Michael Lamont, who played an Officer on the first season of Diff'rent Strokes, is a Corporal here.  Jennifer Davis Westmore returns as a nameless Nurse.  It's William Christopher's turn to hit the 200th episode milestone and I believe he'll be the last of the cast to do so.

Three's Company: An Affair to Forget

Three's Company: An Affair to Forget
ABC
November 30, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Janet's best friend from high school, Randy Buckley (Giftos, who previously was Chrissy's best friend from high school), visits from New York in order to shoot a commercial.  She and Jack start dating, but he doesn't know about her husband, Alan (John McCook, who previously was Doug Cooper).  Another misunderstanding develops when Jack thinks that Janet is seeing a married man.  It turns out that Alan is also a cheater, so Jack tells his roommates that the couple deserve each other.

Jack Scalici, who's Randy's Assistant, was Scavenger 1 on The Bob Newhart Show.  This is the first of three 3'sC stories by Mike Weinberger, who had done one for Welcome Back, Kotter.  It's also the 900th of my shows to air on ABC, and the 100th directed by Dave Powers.

M*A*S*H: Bombshells

M*A*S*H: Bombshells
CBS
November 29, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B-

While Devo could show up on Square Pegs, obviously Marilyn Monroe wasn't going to appear on M*A*S*H, although I suppose they could've gone with an impersonator, as in the early episode with MacArthur's drive-by visit.  The more interesting thread in this Mumford & Wilcox story is about BJ's guilt over having to leave a wounded soldier behind when taking a more seriously wounded soldier back to the 4077th in a helicopter.  He tries to trace the abandoned soldier but can't, and then he gets a Bronze Star for his heroism and feels even guiltier.  There are good things about the episode, including BJ accusing himself and Hawkeye of "self-righteousness" (as if aware of some criticisms of the series), but both threads are left dangling too much.

This is Jamie Farr's 200th episode and he does get to do quite a bit in the Marilyn thread.  Allen Williams, who was Charlie on What's Happening!!, is Lt. Priore here.  Frank Slaten makes his first of three uncredited appearances as Corpsman Frank, while Natasha Bauman does her first of two as a nameless Nurse.  Kellye Nakahara (Yamato), Bill Snider (Corpsman), and Paul Tuerpe (this time an I-Corps Courier) return.  And, yes, that's a pre-Hollywood-Shuffle Robert Townsend as a nameless Patient.

Square Pegs: Muffy's Bat Mitzvah

Square Pegs: Muffy's Bat Mitzvah
CBS
November 29, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B

This is arguably the best known episode of the series, with Devo appearing as themselves to perform at the event of the title.  (And, yes, Muffy is 14 but she explains why this gathering is being held a year late.)  It could've gone in the direction of the Who's the Boss? episode that promises but fails to deliver Wilson Phillips, but Devo does show up in the end and gives us "That's Good."  (There don't seem to be any music rights issues on this episode, but music is more central to the plot.)  Along the way, Muffy doesn't invite, invites, and tries to un-invite Patty, Lauren, Marshall, and Johnny, with them all trying to manipulate her.  Johnny's "new" band is called Open 48 Hours (twice as good as the previous band).  Marshall refers to Lauren and Patty as their "chicks" and "foxes," while Johnny calls them their "old ladies."  Note that Marshall is also Jewish.

William Bogert, who had a couple roles on M*A*S*H, plays Muffy's dad, while the actress playing her grandmother, Dena Dietrich, is probably best known for her appearances as Mother Nature in Chiffon margarine commercials, but did show up as a Science teacher on Welcome Back, Kotter.  (And although I don't have Muffy's mom in any of my other shows, Marj Dusay is recognizable as Blair's mother on Facts of Life.)  Maggie Munro, who plays a Jewish Girl here, would be an unspecified Student later, uncredited both times.  John Densmore returns as himself (the Doors drummer who's happy to play in Johnny's band).  Richard Blade makes his first of two appearances as himself, and would have a similar role in Parker's 1985 movie Girls Just Want to Have Fun.  

This is the only Pegs story written by Beatts's Saturday Night Live colleague Rosie Shuster, and so the jokes about SNL and NBC have an extra bite.

Three's Company: Cousin, Cuisine

Three's Company: Cousin, Cuisine
ABC
November 23, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This Staretski & Rips story has Felipe (Gino Conforti) asking Jack to let his cousin Maria stay for a few days.  She doesn't speak any English, so when Jack offers her a job so she can stay in America, she thinks he's proposing.  (This is in contrast to similar plots on What's Happening!! and Welcome Back, Kotter, where the regular character was going to marry the visiting girl.)  Note that this is one of the episodes that TV Guide was thinking of in the review that said that the girls pose with their hands on their hips, like birds, but it's more noticeable with Terri.  (I'm guessing the review was around this time, and I remember they were surprised the series had lasted so long.)

M*A*S*H: Who Knew?

M*A*S*H: Who Knew?
CBS
November 22, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B

This Davis & Pollock story is about how Hawkeye deals with the death of Millie Carpenter, a nurse he went out with a couple times but didn't really know.  It's interesting that it comes soon after he realized he'd been overlooking (rather than looking over) Nurse Kellye.  Hawkeye talks to the other nurses, including Margaret, but it's only when he reads Millie's diary, at Mulcahy's insistence, that he really feels he knows her. He also realizes a few things about himself.

Enid Kent (Lt. Bigelow), Kellye Nakahara (Yamato), Shari Saba (Lt. Shari), and Jo Ann Thompson (Nurse Jo Ann) return.  Morgan directed.

Square Pegs: Open 24 Hours

Square Pegs: Open 24 Hours
CBS
November 22, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This slow-moving but likable story about Johnny's perhaps nonexistent band is the first of three scripts by Deanne Stillman.  Principal Dingleman (Basil Hoffman) asks the students what careers they want and is supportive of everyone, except Johnny, since (as we see in a black & white flashback) the Dingletones were an unsuccessful answer to Fabian.  Marshall sets out to prove the principal wrong, despite Johnny's doubts.  We also find out that Patty wants to be a writer, which is of course ironic in light of Sex and the City.  We do get to see Johnny perform at the grocery store where he's a box boy.  Also notable for Patty and Lauren talking in sync, which makes Lauren jokingly suggest they go steady.

John Densmore, drummer for the Doors, appears as himself.  Karen Armstrong returns as Cindy.

Three's Company: Opening Night

Three's Company: Opening Night
ABC
November 16, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Notable things about this Shelley Zellman story where Jack's Bistro officially opens:

• It's likely set in August, since it mentions Saturday the 14th, and that's the only month in 1982 with one.  (The next would be May 1983.)
• There are many shades of red, pink, and rose, from the wallpaper to wardrobe, including Furley's "pimp suit."
• We find out that Larry's family is Greek and his last name of Dallas (here mentioned for the first time) is short for Dalliapolis.
• Larry both messes up the flyers and saves the day by bringing in roughly fifteen relatives.
• One of them, a fat middle-aged woman, chases Mr. Furley into the kitchen, and he runs away, but the tag reveals that he's stayed in there with her willingly for what must be at least half an hour.
• The episode is set entirely in and just outside the restaurant, a definite change of pace.
• A man thinks the girls are campaigning for various causes, from saving the whales to the ERA.  (Bosom Buddies had mentioned the ERA a few months earlier, and the deadline had expired in June, but it wasn't entirely dead as an issue.)  He also tells the girls to "go back where they came from."

Kopi Sotiropulos, who was the New York Senator on Soap, plays Larry's Uncle.  Stanley Kamel, who was Charlie on Mork & Mindy, is the Clean Cut Man here (I think the vice cop).  Glen Ash was Sgt. Maxwell on M*A*S*H, is Hearty Man here, and would be just Man on a later episode.

M*A*S*H: The Joker Is Wild

M*A*S*H: The Joker Is Wild
CBS
November 15, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B

This Rappaport & Koenig story is one of the "prank" episodes I like, even though the pranks here aren't that clever.  It's more about what the episode reveals about the characters, especially BJ and Hawkeye.  Even after all this time (who knows how long in terms of the war, but probably at least a year), BJ feels he has to live up to the legacy of Trapper.  Hawkeye thinks he can outsmart BJ, even though he's been tricked before.  And the others have fun setting Hawkeye up.  BJ doesn't fulfill the terms of the bet, but then Hawkeye doesn't actually strip down, beyond taking off his trousers.  And he gets his own revenge at the end, as seen in the photo above.

Clyde Kusatsu (Capt. Paul Yamato), Jeff Maxwell (Straminsky), and Kellye Nakahara (Yamato) return.

Square Pegs: Weemaweegate

Square Pegs: Weemaweegate
CBS
November 15, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Things that are odd about this episode:

• That LaDonna nominates Vinnie as the school mascot, despite her dislike of him in previous episodes and despite the fact that it will make her best friend jealous;
• That Marshall nominates Johnny, claiming he's part-Indian (actually he's part-Polish, and we find out that his real last name is something like Lassovich);
• That none of these teens (who were six to eight in '74) can remember Watergate, and yet Marshall has Nixon as one of his celebrity impressions;
• That Lauren and even Patty are quick to suspect their friend Marshall of dirty tricks, even though it's obvious to the viewer who the real culprit is;
• That Muffy seems attracted to Vinnie;
• That no one points out all the stereotypes about Indians, although maybe that's a culture gap between the early '80s and now.

Steven Peterman makes his first of five appearances as Lauren's crush, Mr. Rob Donovan, the History and Journalism teacher (and, it's implied, former drug dealer).

Three's Company: Jack Gets His

Three's Company: Jack Gets His
ABC
November 9, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Staretski & Rips story, Jack gets his dream of six years: his own restaurant.  Unfortunately, he rents it sight unseen from Mr. Angelino and it's very run-down.  Also, he's turned down for a loan at the bank.  Luckily, Mr. Furley comes through with $800 for the first month's rent.  Note that while all of Jack's good friends are supportive, it's Janet who has the imagination and the belief in Jack to encourage him to hold on to his dream, and it does seem like she is the one he most shares what he's going through with.  The credits promise "Next Week: The Grand Opening," although the next episode has a slightly different title.

Anne Schedeen, who previously was Linda and Lisa, here plays another L-named character, Louise Prescott, the loan officer.  (Jack hits on her but she's not interested, financially or romantically.)

M*A*S*H: Foreign Affairs

la splendeur dans l'herbe

M*A*S*H: Foreign Affairs
CBS
November 8, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B-

Pollock & Davis wrote this story where Charles falls for a Frenchwoman with a more Bohemian past than he can handle, while PR agent Maj. Reddish (Jeffrey Tambor) wants to use a North Korean for propaganda purposes.  Again, Potter's age is inconsistent with other episodes, as is the time of his marriage to Mildred.

Byron Chung (his last appearance on the show, as Lt. Chong-Wa Park), Kellye Nakahara (Yamato), Soon-Teck Oh (his last appearance, as Joon-Sung), Jo Ann Thompson (Nurse Jo Ann), and Dennis Troy (Corpsman) return.

Square Pegs: A Simple Attachment

Square Pegs: A Simple Attachment
CBS
November 8, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B

I think this is the first episode to not feature any adults and to just focus on the eight main characters.  And it's definitely a shippy episode.  (Except for LaDonna, unless you want to ship her with her bestie Jennifer.)  Marshall tells Johnny that he's in love with Lauren, and he thinks Lauren is in love with him since she's agreed to give him her braces when they come off.  He's sent away for a love-detector machine (from Suburban Housewife magazine), which he wants to enter in the science fair and use to get Lauren to admit her love.  But when he demonstrates the device in the classroom, it reveals that

1. Johnny does not love Miss Piggy, Princess Di, or any other female celebrities that we've heard of (except we know from before that he does think Debbie Harry is sexy);
2. Jennifer loves senior guys that Vinnie is jealous of;
3. Vinnie doesn't love Jennifer;
4. Muffy loves herself.

It all has to be straightened out, and along the way, we get Vinnie and Marshall unexpectedly bonding, and Lauren saying that, no matter what the machine shows, love isn't science, it's magic, moonlight, and "two minds beating as one heart."  Also, while Patty and Lauren, particularly Lauren, see Johnny and Marshall hanging around them as scaring off boys they'd want to date, Patty is grateful for her awkward conversation with Johnny later.  Note that Vinnie owns a van so he's presumably a junior.

M*A*S*H: Trick or Treatment

Hawkeye is "in love" with Margaret's outfit,
which would've made for a more interesting story.

M*A*S*H: Trick or Treatment
CBS
November 1, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
C+

This Dennis Koenig holiday story is pretty forgettable.  Casualties come in on Halloween, some frivolous, some as serious as falsely diagnosed death.

John Otrin, who was an uncredited Student on Welcome Back, Kotter, here makes his first of two appearances as an Ambulance Driver.  Herman Poppe, who was Wally on Three's Company, is the MP.  Arnold F. Turner, who was Doug on Bosom Buddies, is the Graves Registration Assistant here.  James Lough (in his last M*A*S*H role, as Private Crotty), Richard Lineback (this time as Private Scala), and Kellye Nakahara (Yamato) return.  And, yes, that's Andrew Dice Clay in a very early role as Corp. Hrabosky, and George Wendt, then on the new show Cheers, here playing Private La Roche, who tried to swallow a pool ball.

Square Pegs: Halloween XII

Square Pegs: Halloween XII
CBS
November 1, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

As the title suggests, this is an homage to the slasher films of the period, with even the plot of a slumber party being very typical of the genre.  I think I only saw one Friday the 13th, but this was in the zeitgeist.  And speaking of zeitgeist, this episode includes references to Doug and Bob McKenzie, real men not eating quiche, and rap music.  Interestingly, Lauren and Patty are very happy when Marshall and Johnny show up, since the other girls are snubbing them, but they also don't regard their guy friends as real boys, in the way they see Vinnie.  And Lauren has a line about virgins not dying in horror movies.

Caitlin Adams and Basil Hoffman return as Ms. Loomis and Principal Dingleman. This is Marjorie Gross's second Pegs story, while it's the first of two by Susan Silver, who wrote a couple for The Bob Newhart Show.  Note that this is the first week when both Pegs and M*A*S*H aired (and both with belated Halloween episodes), and I watched Private Benjamin in between them, although when Family Ties moved over to Mondays at 8:30, I must've switched over to NBC for that slot.

Hall & Oates: Maneater

Hall & Oates: Maneater
Song released October 31, 1982
Music Video
VHS
B-

This doesn't have a story in the way that Tom Petty's "You Got Lucky" does, but it does have symbolic shots of a woman and a jaguar.

Three's Company: Extra, Extra

Three's Company: Extra, Extra
ABC
October 26, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this story by Ellen Guylas, Janet's boyfriend the newspaper reporter interviews the trio about their living arrangement, but instead of putting the emphasis on economics, he puts lots of innuendo in.  The girls get pinched at work but Jack is a hero to the guys at the Beagle.  Then both his mother and Terri's (Mina Kolb again) show up, now disapproving, so it's up to Janet to straighten things out.  Things of note:

• Janet mentions living with Eleanor but not Chrissy;
• Mr. Furley doesn't believe the innuendo but objects to the apartment being called run-down;
• Mr. F tells the reporter that Jack is gay, which Mrs. Tripper interprets as "happy," and then in the retraction it says Mr. Furley is gay;
• Jack insults Janet's appearance twice, in front of her boyfriend;
• Larry isn't around, but we can imagine his reaction to the story.

Brad Blaisdell returns as Mike the Bartender.  This time Don Lancaster plays Dan.  And Mickey Deems's final appearance on the show is as Janet's lecherous customer Mr. Hubbard.

M*A*S*H: Hey, Look Me Over

M*A*S*H: Hey, Look Me Over
CBS
October 25, 1982
Dramedy
DVD
B

Alda co-wrote this episode with Karen Hall and it spotlights one of the minor but long-lasting characters.  Kellye Nakahara finally getting attention from the writers is fitting, as Kellye Yamato struggles to get Hawkeye to notice her.  It's not even about a crush, but more about simple attention.  She tells him off, but it's not till he sees her comfort a dying patient that he sees how wonderful she is.  Meanwhile, a hard-nosed female colonel comes by for an inspection, and Margaret learns a lesson herself.

Gary Grubbs, who plays Lt. Geyer, would be Harry on Three's Company.  Jeff Maxwell (Straminsky) and Shari Saba (Lt. Shari) return, as do Harmon and Wilson.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: You Got Lucky

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: You Got Lucky
Song released October 22, 1982
Music Video
DVD
B+

This is what I mean by "videos as we think of them."  You've got an actual story here, one influenced by Mad Max (released the previous year).  OK, so the story seemingly has nothing to do with the lyrics, except that they're both about finding treasure.  Anyway, the song is great, the visuals are solid (including the purple sky), and there's a puckish sense of humor about the whole proceedings, including the treatment of cutting-edge-in-'82 technology.  (You think Tom is going to put one of the slot machine quarters in the videogame, but he instead topples that machine over.)

Three's Company: Diamond Jack

Three's Company: Diamond Jack
ABC
October 19, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C-

I remember not liking this Ellen Guylas story at the time, and it hasn't improved with age.  It's not funny and the trio really act like morons.  The girls' outfits are cute though, especially the sexy ones for Rita (Tori Lysdahl, who was Shirley before).  Note, this is one of at least two 3'sC episodes where '80s technology impacts the plot, an answering machine here and an ATM later.

Michael Alldredge, who was Burt Harrison on The Bob Newhart Show, is Sam here.  Tom Lancaster has his first of four uncredited roles on the show, as the Soda Jerk.

Square Pegs: Square Pigskins

Square Pegs: Square Pigskins
CBS
October 18, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Less sharp writing (by Andy Borowitz, his first of five scripts) and a sports plot make this the weakest episode so far, yet I do like that we find out a little more about LaDonna, still a stereotype but with her own dreams and disappointments.  Note that Lauren wants her and Patty to try out for the new girls' football team to be near the boys' football team, which is the first time she's shown interest in boys, at least in the abstract. And we actually see the kids in classrooms for a change, even doing a little schoolwork.  (Patty is good at math.)

Caitlin Adams appears for the first of four times as Ms. Loomis.  Karen Armstrong and Gary Towles return in their uncredited roles as Students.

Three's Company: Jack Goes to the Dentist

Three's Company: Jack Goes to the Dentist
ABC
October 12, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

In this Grossman & Burditt story, Terri is dating a dentist, Dr. Phillip Greene (Tambor, this time in a brunet toupee), whom she finds herself unable to break up, with despite Janet's encouragement.  Finally, Janet has to tell him, and he assumes Terri is leaving him for another man, specifically Jack.  And meanwhile, Jack has recently become his patient.  For a Tambor episode, it's not bad, but I actually would've preferred that we not get the scene setting the audience up to expect Phil to torture Jack.  (He even straps him down to the chair!)  It's cheap and unfunny, and I wonder if there would've been a better way to go about this.  Note, I think Terri's hair, now with curls in it, looks much better in this episode than last season.

Square Pegs: Pac-Man Fever

Square Pegs: Pac-Man Fever
CBS
October 11, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Marjorie Gross's first of four stories has Marshall developing the affliction of the episode title, leading to Marshall's three friends convincing Jennifer to try to "seduce" him in order to stop his rivalry over the game with Vinnie.  Maybe the sexuality on this show is even more complex than I imagined, although it doesn't get past Marshall touching Jennifer's elbow and then asking for her quarters.  Don Novello appears as his Father Guido Sarducci character and has to listen to Marshall imitate him.

Gary Towles is back as the Uncredited Student.  This is the first of seven episodes Terry Hughes directed.

Square Pegs: A Cafeteria Line

United in their incompleteness

Square Pegs: A Cafeteria Line
CBS
October 4, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B

Episode 2 has a sharper script (the first of six by Janis Hirsch), a school musical (including "Ketchup as a Vegetable," then a timely dig at Reagan), and the cast really clicking together.  In fact, I may have revise my Patty/Johnny and Lauren/Marshall shipping into something more complex I wasn't consciously aware of at the time.  Not that P/J and L/M isn't a thing, partly because of height (as with Laverne/Lenny and the less viable Shirley/Squiggy) and partly because of personalities.  But something else is going on here.

Now, please don't string me up over this, but watching this with middle-aged, far less innocent eyes, I think Lauren has lesbian tendencies.  I don't just say this because her wardrobe is kind of mannish, since that may just be a fashion statement.  But she pushes Patty to date popular guys in order to boost their (Patty and Lauren's) popularity, and then she feels abandoned when Patty spends a little time with Vinnie (cast against her romantically in the musical as the drama teacher, written by the drama teacher, so don't tell me this show is completely innocent).

Meanwhile, Johnny really misses Patty, too, and is unusually talkative about it at their hangout, the Grease.  Marshall pats his back and tries to comfort him.  And Marshall says he feels like they're the Three Stooges after Curly died.  Jennifer shows up and Lauren urges her to win Vinnie back, which she does easily.  Patty realizes she's been ignoring her friends, so she apologizes, but Lauren does, too, as if she can't understand her own change in attitude.  Also, watch the adoration Lauren has her on her face when Patty sings on opening night; maybe she's just super proud of her best friend, but maybe not.

The last scene is set at the Grease and Johnny is confused but happy about whose burger is which, with Patty back.  Marshall interrupts him and says, putting one arm on Johnny's back and the other lightly on his arm, "We know, we know, Man.  We love ya."  Now, this may just be aspiring stand-up comic Marshall's show-biz patter (this is the second episode in a row where he imitates a "classic" SNL performer, this time in Rosanne Rosannadanna drag), but it at least shows that Marshall (unlike I'd say 90% of young men in '80s TV and film) isn't afraid of expressing affection towards his male friends.  This is in stark contrast to Jennifer, who can barely show affection towards Vinnie unless she wants something, and who used the word "queer" as an insult in the pilot, and here speculates on the orientation of the drama teacher, despite him being a father of six.

And what is the very next line in the tag?  Lauren's "I'm so happy we're back together, I could eat all your burgers!"  The laugh track does not respond.  And we close the scene on Johnny's friends comforting him for not getting mentioned in the school newspaper's drama review: Marshall rests his head on Johnny's shoulder, and strokes his hair, while Lauren puts one arm around him, squeezes his arm with her other hand, and says, "You were good."  (Patty mostly looks on and grins.)

Then cut to the closing credits, where the four friends make their way down the hallway, Lauren and Marshall putting their arms across each other's shoulders in a chummy way, while Patty borrows Johnny's shades and then Lauren steals them from her.  And, judging from what I know of myself, I was probably smitten with the four of them, maybe just their sis & bromance, but shrug, I don't know.  I was 14 and still pretty innocent and confused myself.  Who knows what this did to me subliminally, but I am bi and sort of poly 34 years later, so this is as good a show to blame as any.

Gary Towles returns as an uncredited Student, while Karen Armstrong makes her first of seven uncredited appearances as Cindy.  Craig Richard Nelson, who played a TV writer on What's Happening!!, would return once more as drama teacher Mr. Spacek.  Note that, much to my relief, the theme song is intact and maybe just wasn't used for the pilot.

Taxi: Love Un-American Style [clips]

"Do you like bizarre?"

Taxi: Love Un-American Style [clips]
NBC
September 30, 1982
Sitcom
VHS
B-

This is the season when Taxi, which got referenced in a late Mork & Mindy episode, got picked up by NBC after ABC cancelled it.  I think I mostly watched Taxi in syndication.  I sort of liked it, but the reason why I taped bits and pieces of this episode is of course that Marcia Wallace guest-stars as herself, fixed up by Simka (Carol Kane) with a smitten Reverend Jim (Christopher Lloyd).  Jim's lyrics to the Bob Newhart Show theme are a definite highlight.  Director Noam Pitlik also had a long acting career, including as Donald Hardy on Gidget, a couple roles on That Girl, and, yes, as Mr. Gianelli on BNS.

Three's Company: A Night Not to Remember

Three's Company: A Night Not to Remember
ABC
September 28, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B

Grossman & Burditt wrote this very farcical season-opener.  Janet has to entertain Ray Hagen (Terry McGovern, who was a Club Manager on Mork & Mindy), a lecherous man from her company, so she drafts Jack to accompany her, even though he has a cold.  Not having learned anything from his experience last Spring, he gets drunk, but instead of dancing all over the place, he breaks Janet's grandmother's vase and then falls asleep in her bed.  As my then-future-ex-husband pointed out a few years later, this is the first of two times that a vase will symbolize Janet's (apparent) virginity; here it's something she was saving for when she got married, and at the end of the next season, she'll meet her future husband and Jack will think Phillip is only after one thing: the vase she inherited.

The premise is arguably tasteless here, one of the episodes where the concept of consent is blurred, but at least Jack feels guilty about "taking advantage of poor little Janet."  Mr. Furley mishears Jack confessing to Larry about "taking advantage of his best friend" and assumes Jack means Larry.  And the episode is funny.  Notice that Janet doesn't seem at all surprised to find herself in bed with someone the next morning.  Yes, she's mostly asleep, but you'd think she'd notice Jack spooning her and scratching her arm.  Perhaps Janet isn't a virgin, or at least has cuddled in bed fairly recently.

Square Pegs: Pilot

Square Pegs: Pilot
CBS
September 27, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

I was a freshman.  They were freshmen.  (Or was the term "freshpeople"?)  ABC showed That's Incredible in that slot.  And I was watching some CBS shows, not just M*A*S*H but The Jeffersons and others, so I watched this.  And I haven't seen this series in years (it might've popped up in syndication at some point), but I felt like this pilot was imprinted on my soul, that I knew what some of the lines were coming up.  But, yeah, a B-.

Let's be honest here.  Square Pegs was chockfull of stock characters, even if Johnny Slash as the New Waver was a new stereotype.  But there is something real, especially in Sarah Jessica Parker's earnest performance, that still holds up well.  I'm not crazy about losing the theme song, except ironically during this pilot episode, where the Waitresses play at the school dance and sing, "I'd like if it they liked me, but I don't think they like me...."

I'm not sure what else to say about this pilot.  I don't remember the show well enough to say, "Aha, this will be noncanonical later," or whatever.  I will point out that Johnny is a second- or third-year freshman and he drives the Slashmobile.  And there are two references to drugs, which I think was an issue with CBS about this series overall.  Oh, and I shipped Patty/Johnny and secondarily Lauren/Marshall.

The cast:

• Merritt Butrick as Johnny Slash
• Jon Caliri as Vinnie Pasetta
• John Femia as Marshall Blechtman
• Jami Gertz as Muffy Tepperman
• Basil Hoffman (who was on M*A*S*H twice) as Principal Dingleman 
• Amy Linker as Lauren Hutchinson
• Tracy Nelson as Jennifer DiNuccio
• Sarah Jessica Parker (yes, her) as Patty Greene
• Claudette Wells as LaDonna Fredericks

Carole Androsky was Miss Matusak on Welcome Back, Kotter  and is the Gym Teacher here.  Ben Marley would return once as Patty's crush, senior Larry Simpson.  Gary Towles makes his first of four appearances as an uncredited Student.  Creator Anne Beatts (of Saturday Night Live) wrote this episode, but not most of the others, while Kim Friedman would direct exactly half of the twenty-episode season.

Mork & Mindy: The Mork Report

Mork & Mindy: The Mork Report
ABC
May 27, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Winifred Hervey wrote this episode that was meant to air before the "Gotta Run" three-parter.  It feels like it's going to be a clip show, but Mork's memories in his report to Orson on marriage are all newly shot (and directed by Williams).  We get to Fred and Cora, and hear Orson, this one last time, and end on a more upbeat note, even if it was probably cognitive dissonance at the time.  (Like I said, I remember hardly anything about this season in its first airing.)  The sequences with just Mork and Mindy are best here, especially their "romantic" dance.  (Shown in black & white, unlike the still above.)  I guess we can be glad that M & M got together, even if how this was handled, and other events along the way, didn't always live up to potential.

Mork & Mindy in its final season ranges from 2 Cs to 2 Bs, averaging out to a low B-.  I don't think the series ever fully jumped the shark, and it probably wasn't sustainable for long term (say six plus years) anyway, given the premise and Williams's persona.  It remains a cute, sweet show, sometimes very moving, other times baffling and/or disappointing.  I'm glad I got to follow it then and now on this crazy journey, but I don't know what I would've made of it with a time-traveling Season Five.  If M & M's bond were reemphasized, I probably would've stayed with it, but part of that bond was always their culture clash, and that might've been lost with them clashing with a variety of cultures.

This is not quite it for Williams & Dawber, since a friend sent me a download of their reunion on The Crazy Ones.  If I can still access it when we get up to 2014, I'll share my thoughts then.  For now, we bid a farewell to my junior-high years and prepare for life as a high school freshman...

Mork & Mindy: Gotta Run, Part 3

Mork & Mindy: Gotta Run, Part 3
ABC
May 20, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

And so it ends, except it doesn't, because another episode aired the following week.  Eisenstock & Mintz wrote this final part which ends on a cliffhanger, as M & M are lost in time, after having been interviewed by a Tom Snyder knock-off, overwhelmed by hangers-on, menaced by Kal, and befriended by cavepeople.  (Mearth has been left behind with Fred.)  I'll reserve my observations on the season and the series for next time, but I will say that although this episode doesn't work too well, it's at least interesting.  Note, they do actually go back to their home at one point, but it's still in shambles.

Dan Barrows, who was Mr. Keeney on The Bob Newhart Show, Dr. Yalowich on Soap, and Dittman on this show, plays Maury here.

Three's Company: The Best of Three's Company

Three's Company: The Best of Three's Company
ABC
May 18, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

It's funny, I remember very little about the last season of Mork & Mindy but I can pretty clearly remember this clip show.  Maybe it's the difference in the level of syndication, or maybe I did miss some of Mork with the hiatuses and all.  Anyway, it was a big deal to get a comedy icon like Lucille Ball to host a clip show for a series that the critics then hated.  The clips selected range from classic (like Jack waking up with Mr. Roper) to OK.  But it is a clip show and there's only so much you can do with that, especially at an hour's length.  Also, in '82, it was great to see the early episodes again, which you couldn't other than when they'd air in syndication, while now, after watching six seasons on DVD (and having seen the episodes many times over the years anyway), it's not such a big deal.  Note that this couldn't have aired at the end of the previous season, because the behind the scenes drama had not yet quieted down.

Besides the people I've tagged, the following appear in clips: Paul Ainsley (Jim the Bartender), Frank Aletter (Mr. Latham), Leon Askin (Mr. Hoffmeier), Michael Bell (as Michael the dance instructor, not as the guru), Jordan Charney (as Mr. Layton rather than as Mr. Angelino), Gina Conforti (Felipe), Cynthia Harris (Mrs. Layton), Sally Kemp (Mrs. Latham), Shell Kepler (Didi), Jillian Kesner (the Sister who beats up "David Miller"), Heather Lowe (Brenda), Tori Lysdahl (Shirley), William Pierson (Dean Travers), Irene Tedrow (Martha), and Isabelle Wolfe (Waitress).  I think I would've included Loni Anderson and more recognizable guest stars, but maybe they didn't want to take too much attention away from the main cast.

Three's Company in its sixth season ranges from two C-s to three Bs, averaging just barely over the B- side of the C+/B- border.  As at the time, it took me awhile to warm up to the Terri character, and I don't think the writers quite knew what to do with her at first, or with Cindy as a drop-in friend.  As I recall, in Season Seven I was reconciled to Terri but not as invested in the show as I was a few years earlier.  (And this clip show would've confirmed my belief that the series was better in the Chrissy days.)  That said, I kept watching to the end (and even beyond, with Three's a Crowd).

Mork & Mindy: Gotta Run, Part 2

Mork & Mindy: Gotta Run, Part 2
ABC
May 13, 1982
Sitcom
DVD
C+

I didn't mention it earlier, but there was an episode where Mork wanted to practice for the written part of his driving test, and then there was an episode where he got his license offscreen.  Here we see him driving to and from Arizona, as the McConnells try to escape Kalnik.  They end up on a fat farm, but Kal impersonates Fred and then battles them.  They escape and Mork decides to go public as an alien.  I might've gone with another B-, but it feels out of character for Mindy to call Mork a dumbbell, and the thing about him disliking her perm goes on too long without being funny.