Ellen: Gay Yellow Pages

Ellen: Gay Yellow Pages
ABC
October 15, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Tod Himmel and Lisa K. Nelson's first of two Ellen stories has Peter encouraging Ellen to use the object in the episode title, but the plumber Ellen hires from it is incompetent.  Then she finds out that the good plumber her dad recommended is gay.  It feels quaint to have a character explain the meaning of the rainbow flag, but I think they were still trying to get the mainstream audience used to all this.

Ironically, Meagen Fay, who plays "rigid" (Peter's word) Amy, was stick-up-her-ass neighbor Kathy Bowman on Roseanne 

Ellen: Roommates

Ellen: Roommates
ABC
October 8, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B

Dan Cohen and F.J. Pratt's first of two Ellen stories is so full of Three's-Company-like farce and misunderstandings that Mr. Roper shows up in the tag!  (Fell would die in December of the following year.)  Ellen thinks that the "roommates" across the street are lovers who are trying to set her up with a "roommate" of their own, and this makes Paige uncomfortable.  Then after Ellen of course embarrasses herself, Paige comes in and claims to be Ellen's "friend," not just her friend.  There are several funny lines here, and it's nice to see Audrey again.

Gail Mancuso, who directed 51 Roseanne episodes, here does her first of seven for Ellen.

Ellen: The Puppy Episode

Ellen: The Puppy Episode
ABC
April 30, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
A-

Ellen DeGeneres's story was turned into a teleplay by staff writers Driscoll, Newman, Savel, and Stark.  It would win an Emmy and change television forever.  Forty-two million people tuned in.  For a couple weeks I decided I was a lesbian.  (Then I became deeply infatuated with a man and went back to identifying as bisexual, like I had since I was a preschooler.)

But is it still entertaining?  Heck yeah!  It is sharp, hilarious, joyous, and a little bit heartbreaking.  Even things like Ellen's awkwardness and babbling fit remarkably well, as she struggles through her sexual identity and her feelings for a woman named Susan (Laura Dern, just right).  Here it was, twenty years after Jodie on Soap, and it was a struggle to even get the story on the air, and that comes through even now, in the performances of the cast, including Oprah Winfrey as the wise and dry-humored therapist, and in the obviously thrilled studio audience.  OK, the celebrity cameos aren't all as obvious as they were then, although it's still a delight to hear Melissa Etheridge serenade a blushing Ellen for her bravery, or to watch K. D. Lang play a waitress.

The episode is of course mostly about Ellen, and those friends of hers are featured less, but they all have their moments (yes, even Spence), like Audrey's enthusiastic literal and figurative embrace of Ellen, and of course Peter's joy at Ellen telling him first (not counting Susan, the therapist, and the people at the airport).  It's an hour-long episode so I could go on and on, but I just want to mention three things, two of them related to the photos I've chosen.  The other is a moment where the therapist compares the prejudice that Ellen fears to what blacks underwent before the Civil Rights Movement.  In the hands of lesser writers, or lesser performers, this could be awkward and/or heavy-handed, but the moment makes its point with a light touch.  (One shudders to imagine how this would've gone on Roseanne in the last couple seasons.)

When Ellen finds the courage to first speak the words, "I'm gay," it's accidentally into the airport p.a. system.  This is another moment that might not have worked, but it does, helped partly by the visible relief of Ellen (Morgan and DeGeneres) afterwards, and the hug Susan gives her.  Note that this scene, just as much as some of the airport scenes on Who's the Boss? five or more years earlier, looks surreal after 9/11.  You simply can't go up and hug someone about to board a plane, as Ellen does.  (I haven't mentioned Ellen's date with her old friend Richard, but there are some laughs from that in the first half of the episode.)

Susan has a seemingly throwaway line about failing to "recruit" Ellen and thus losing a chance at a toaster oven.  Then we get the tag scene that pays off from that, with Etheridge enthusiastically stamping Ellen's application (and the clipboard).  "Toaster oven" would become (if it wasn't already) an LGBT (not yet Q or A) semi-in-joke for the next few years, and the scene is funny in of itself.  Just an all around wonderful episode.  (But, no, not an A or A+.  I don't think TV can achieve that like books or movies can.)

Waiter Patrick Harrigan had previously been Customer No. 1.  Kathy Najimy makes her third and last appearance on the show, in the very small role of a Woman in Gay Bar (technically a coffeehouse).  This time DeGeneres's mother Betty is a Woman at Airport.

Ellen: The Clip Show Patient

Ellen: The Clip Show Patient
ABC
April 8, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C

Ellen volunteers at the hospital and meets the title character (Michael Des Barres in his second Ellen role), who's English.  (Get it?  Ha ha.)  She babbles and reminisces, sometimes merely on things like getting water.  The only entertaining things here are the disco music and outfits at the beginning and end of the episode.  Still, it's our last glimpse of pre-coming-out Ellen Morgan.  (Well, unless you count the first part of the next episode.)

Everett Greenbaum, who wrote 24 M*A*S*H episodes, plays the Older Man.  Various people appear in the clips, but most of them don't have lines.  DeGeneres's brother Vance wrote this story with David Walpert, whose middle of five this is.

Ellen: Kiss My Bum

Ellen: Kiss My Bum
ABC
November 27, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

David Walpert wrote this story where Ellen volunteers at a soup kitchen to prove her charitability to Ed.  She bonds with another helper, Perry (a surprisingly serious Joe Flaherty), and invites him to Thanksgiving dinner.  She doesn't realize that Perry is homeless, so things get very awkward.  Meanwhile, Spence's mother Ferne (Kathleen Noone in the first of two appearances) visits from New York, and Spence assumes she won't like Paige.  (She doesn't but is very nice to Paige to her face.)  This episode is a bit heavy-handed, but I like the playing with stereotypes during the football game, with Peter and Barrett yelling at the TV, while Spence and Joe discuss pies.

Ellen: The Parent Trap

Fishers

Ellen: The Parent Trap
ABC
October 16, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Newman & Stark story, Ellen is still having trouble accepting her parents' separation, so she concocts a scheme that's like Hailey Mills and, as Spence notes in the umpteenth I Love Lucy comparison, like something out of classic TV.  But I thought of Gilligan's Island, where the scheme to recreate a romantic date for a couple in late middle age actually works, sexy redhead entertainer (Ginger rather than Paige) and all.  Here, they even get Eddie Fisher (Joely's father) to sing as he did in Cuba 1958.  But Harold and Lois can't be reconciled, yet anyway.  And Ellen goes back to Dr. Whitcomb (Paxton Whitehead), but he wants her to see other therapists, which she will, throughout the season, with surprising results.  Meanwhile we hear the word "gay" on the show for the first time, when Spence is being rude to Barrett while working for Paige.

Ellen: Give Me Equity or Give Me Death

Ellen: Give Me Equity or Give Me Death
ABC
September 18, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

I would've gone with a B for this Dava-Savel-written fourth-season opener, if not for, ugh, Spence.  I can tolerate his relationship with Paige, including that he doesn't know if he likes or loves her, beyond her smell.  But I don't appreciate him being a moron when he's giving Ellen legal advice.

The hint-dropping and audience-teasing of this season really begin in earnest.  Ellen sings, "I feel witty and pretty and-- Hey!"  She wears boxer shorts.  And when Peter's realtor, Margaret (Nancy Lenehan, who was a Happy Customer on Roseanne in '90 and who would return in this role thrice more), does a slide show in Ellen's living room, she has a doll for Ellen and a doll for Ellen's husband, causing Ellen to remark that that doll is in the wrong story.  But officially, the main change in Ellen's life is she really wants a house and she's tempted to sell the bookstore to two hippie entrepreneurs, Tom and Larry (a Ben & Jerry satire I've always assumed).

Larry Hankin, who was Gus on That Girl in '68, is Larry.  Raymond Forchion, who'd previously been Customer #2, is Smitty here.  This is the first of thirty episodes Gil Junger would direct in the last two seasons of Ellen.

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 2

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 2
ABC
May 15, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

I like this Heisler & Heline conclusion, despite not being at all invested in Spence/Paige.  But then even Spence and Paige can't figure out their own attraction.  The fun here comes from other things, like Ellen working the impatient wedding crowd like, well, a stand-up comic and then singing "Heart & Soul," accompanied by an operatic Peter and a reluctant Barrett.  We even get Audrey explaining a Welcome Back, Kotter episode to Ron Palillo's groupie and then Ron joining in on the "If anyone here has any objection" stampede with some very Horshackian "oo-oos."  The season sort of ends here, except it doesn't.

Connie Britton, Ebick Pizzadili, and Kimmy Robertson return as respectively Heather, Mia, and Brandy but would never be seen on the show again.

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 1

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 1
ABC
May 8, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Meanwhile on Ellen, Paige and Matt's wedding has its own complications, ranging from ventriloquist dummies to infidelity, as Spence and Paige make out minutes before the ceremony.  Poor Ellen is as always caught in the middle.  Also in this Flebotte & Herschlag story, Audrey and "Ron Palillo, TV's Horshack" have a falling out.  You would, if you weren't a veteran ABC viewer, think that they would next air Part 2, but no.  Continuity is not supposed to matter, especially in the '90s.

Ebick Pizzadilli is again Matt's daughter Mia, and Connie Britton is again Paige's sister Heather.  Greg Collins, who was the Track Security Guard in The Brady 500, is Agent Chamberlain here.  Kimmy Robertson would also be Brandy in Part 2.  Gregory Sierra plays General Colon, not unlike El Puerco on Soap.

Ellen: Two Ring Circus

Ellen: Two Ring Circus
ABC
February 28, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

This David Flebotte story is very funny and multi-layered, although much of the latter is hindsight.  After two months of dating (more like a month and a half between airdates), Matt wants to propose to Paige at a hockey game, since they both love hockey.  She's been hiding her true self from the beginning, and this is tested when he gets her a "demure" ring.  The proposal is like and unlike the Who's the Boss? proposal of four-and-a-half seasons earlier.  Paige gleefully accepts, unlike Angela reluctantly saying no, but the crowd is as happy about the proposal as they were about Tony's (here on a scoreboard rather than a blimp, but then it would be indoors of course).  However, Matt is actually unconscious, knocked out by a puck, and it's Ellen that Paige accepts and hugs, and the crowd, this being L.A., in nonjudgmental. 

This isn't the only moment that teases about Ellen's then closeted state.  (If I recall correctly, there had been rumors for years, but the public at large had no idea about DeGeneres.)  When Ellen looks at bridal magazines, she likes the tux better than the gowns.  And meanwhile, Peter and Barrett exchange rings but, unlike Matt and Paige, no kisses, just hugs.  It's as if the powers that be (DeGeneres included) are testing the waters here for what would become perhaps the longest coming-out in television history.  The playfulness spills over into less in-joky lines like a reference to "that dreamy Robby Benson," i.e. that season's director.  Note that Spence is not thrilled about Paige's engagement, but it's unclear if it's just jealousy or if he thinks she shouldn't found a relationship on dishonesty, maybe both.

Bari K. Willerford returns as the Delivery Man.  This time, Moore gives Ellen hat-tossing lessons in the title sequence.

Ellen: The Movie Show

Ellen: The Movie Show
ABC
November 22, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Newman & Stark episode is notable for the appearance of Joely Fisher's half-sister Carrie as herself.  While there are definitely moments I like, especially when Ellen is a very bad extra, it's a little hard, particularly these days, to watch Carrie play such a depressed and depressing version of herself.  (However, Ellen asking what Harrison Ford is really like has gotten funnier in the meantime.)  Additional irony by the passage of time: in 1995, Meg Ryan (only referred to, multiple times) being in a bookstore movie was hypothetical, since it wouldn't be till '98 that she'd make the dismal You've Got Mail.

Michael Des Barres, who at this point had done two of his three Roseannne appearances (one as Leon's boyfriend), here does his first of two for Ellen, as Nigel the Director.

Ellen: Salad Days

Ellen: Salad Days
ABC
November 15, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

At the time, this Dava Savel story was notable for the extended cameo of Martha Stewart as herself, but today I was mostly pleased to see the introduction of Paige's assistant Barrett (Jack Plotnick), who immediately hits it off with Peter.  (Bristow is queenier than ever, leading to a great throwaway line from Ellen about his wife.  As for Plotnick, he'd play Barrett in a dozen episodes, as well as have a nifty little role as the also gay Maurice in the 2003 movie Down with Love.)  I might've gone with a B, but I kept thinking that Ellen was getting frazzled for nothing.  (Admittedly, that's often true, but it did seem particularly needless this episode.)

Pat Millicano, who was Ned on the series finale of Who's the Boss?, is Ellen's neighbor Randy here.  Stephanie Erb makes her first of two appearances as Spence's actress girlfriend Denise, in this episode wearing Babylon 5 makeup.  And DeGeneres's real-life mother Betty appears in the credits sequence and would return to the show twice more, but not as herself.