Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 2

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 2
ABC
May 15, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

I like this Heisler & Heline conclusion, despite not being at all invested in Spence/Paige.  But then even Spence and Paige can't figure out their own attraction.  The fun here comes from other things, like Ellen working the impatient wedding crowd like, well, a stand-up comic and then singing "Heart & Soul," accompanied by an operatic Peter and a reluctant Barrett.  We even get Audrey explaining a Welcome Back, Kotter episode to Ron Palillo's groupie and then Ron joining in on the "If anyone here has any objection" stampede with some very Horshackian "oo-oos."  The season sort of ends here, except it doesn't.

Connie Britton, Ebick Pizzadili, and Kimmy Robertson return as respectively Heather, Mia, and Brandy but would never be seen on the show again.

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 1

Ellen: When the Vow Breaks, Part 1
ABC
May 8, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Meanwhile on Ellen, Paige and Matt's wedding has its own complications, ranging from ventriloquist dummies to infidelity, as Spence and Paige make out minutes before the ceremony.  Poor Ellen is as always caught in the middle.  Also in this Flebotte & Herschlag story, Audrey and "Ron Palillo, TV's Horshack" have a falling out.  You would, if you weren't a veteran ABC viewer, think that they would next air Part 2, but no.  Continuity is not supposed to matter, especially in the '90s.

Ebick Pizzadilli is again Matt's daughter Mia, and Connie Britton is again Paige's sister Heather.  Greg Collins, who was the Track Security Guard in The Brady 500, is Agent Chamberlain here.  Kimmy Robertson would also be Brandy in Part 2.  Gregory Sierra plays General Colon, not unlike El Puerco on Soap.

Ellen: Go Girlz

Ellen: Go Girlz
ABC
May 1, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this DeBenedictis & Rowland story with a very '90s title, Paige and Matt have a fight over his bachelor party, but then she ends up having a wilder time at the slumber party that Ellen throws for her.  There's ominous foreshadowing about the wedding, although the resolution implies that it was really Spence's car that was in danger.  Note that this contains at least the third line of Audrey's this season about three girls drinking wine and doing another activity or two.

Staff writer Jonathan Stark appears onscreen as Gus.  Leno reads "funny headlines" in the title sequence.  Najimy's character of Paige's boss Lorna Irons is very different than her previous role of Adam's other best friend.

Ellen: Two Mammograms and a Wedding

Ellen: Two Mammograms and a Wedding
ABC
April 3, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

Dava Savel wrote this story where Ellen is feeling neglected by engaged Paige and nervous about her first mammogram.  In the waiting room, she clicks with Chloe Korban (the marvelous Janeane Garofalo).  But when they try to meet for coffee, it's very awkward.  There's a subtext here (OK, partly fueled by my little crush on Garofalo, but I don't think I'm just projecting) that Ellen and Chloe are on a first date, including how Audrey, Spence, and Joe react.  If Ellen had come out already, I can't help wondering if they would've had Garofalo back as a potential girlfriend.  As it is, we'd never see the character again.

At least we get this wonderfully in-joky exchange--
Ellen: I own a store.  We sell books and coffee.
Chloe: Oo, that's very hip.  Very "Friends."
Ellen: We were here first.

Nurse Mina Kolb was Terri's mother on Three's Company.  This is the 1400th show from ABC I've reviewed.  I'm not sure if we'll hit 1500.

Ellen: Too Hip for the Room

Ellen: Too Hip for the Room
ABC
March 20, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Tom Leopold's story (with a teleplay by someone who didn't work on any other of my shows) has Ellen feeling guilty when hipsters ironically embrace her corny live entertainers, Del and Rochelle Shapiro (Mitzi McCall, who was the voice of Penny on The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show, as well as Peg on Roseanne).  Meanwhile, Spence hesitates to tell two gorgeous blondes that Ellen's apartment is not the one for rent.

Tera Hendrickson was a Trippy Dancer on Roseanne and is Barb here.  Trendy Man Paul Crowder would be a Drummer at Audition the following year.

Ellen: A Penney Saved

Ellen: A Penney Saved
ABC
March 13, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

This is the first of two Ellen stories written by Jennifer Fisher, who apparently is not Joely's sister.  We find out that Audrey's parents, Jack and Lily Penney (Barry Corbin, who played Sgt. Joe Vickers on M*A*S*H fifteen years ago, and the so perfectly cast it's eerie Carol Kane), are eccentric millionaires.  She's tried to be independent, but Ellen succumbs when the Penneys offer $100,000 to keep Buy the Book afloat and Audrey employed.  At this point, Audrey is still in a long-distance relationship with Ron Palillo, "TV's Horshack," but Joe, who's been fighting off her crush all season, would be happy to marry for money.  However, he's got competition from "Freddie 'Boom-Boom' Washington, the wrong Sweathog."  (Hilton-Jacobs, who was 42 at this point, had aged really well by the way.)  I might've gone with a B-, but the sets, including Lily's redecoration of the bookstore, kick this up to a B.

Spence does not appear in this episode, not that I miss him.

Ellen: Two Ring Circus

Ellen: Two Ring Circus
ABC
February 28, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

This David Flebotte story is very funny and multi-layered, although much of the latter is hindsight.  After two months of dating (more like a month and a half between airdates), Matt wants to propose to Paige at a hockey game, since they both love hockey.  She's been hiding her true self from the beginning, and this is tested when he gets her a "demure" ring.  The proposal is like and unlike the Who's the Boss? proposal of four-and-a-half seasons earlier.  Paige gleefully accepts, unlike Angela reluctantly saying no, but the crowd is as happy about the proposal as they were about Tony's (here on a scoreboard rather than a blimp, but then it would be indoors of course).  However, Matt is actually unconscious, knocked out by a puck, and it's Ellen that Paige accepts and hugs, and the crowd, this being L.A., in nonjudgmental. 

This isn't the only moment that teases about Ellen's then closeted state.  (If I recall correctly, there had been rumors for years, but the public at large had no idea about DeGeneres.)  When Ellen looks at bridal magazines, she likes the tux better than the gowns.  And meanwhile, Peter and Barrett exchange rings but, unlike Matt and Paige, no kisses, just hugs.  It's as if the powers that be (DeGeneres included) are testing the waters here for what would become perhaps the longest coming-out in television history.  The playfulness spills over into less in-joky lines like a reference to "that dreamy Robby Benson," i.e. that season's director.  Note that Spence is not thrilled about Paige's engagement, but it's unclear if it's just jealousy or if he thinks she shouldn't found a relationship on dishonesty, maybe both.

Bari K. Willerford returns as the Delivery Man.  This time, Moore gives Ellen hat-tossing lessons in the title sequence.

Ellen: Lobster Diary

Three legends.  (I'm guessing the title sequences
didn't get filmed the same weeks as their episodes.

Ellen: Lobster Diary
ABC
February 21, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

In this Newman & Stark story, Ellen's liberation of a lobster from its restaurant tank turns her into a heroine, Lobster Lady.  Mary Tyler Moore, as herself, gives her an award, and later a pep talk.  The main fun here is seeing Ellen and Mary's nervous mannerisms, with a lot of self-parody on both sides, play off of each other.

Wesley Thompson, who was a Corpsman on M*A*S*H in '83, is Kevin Brown here.  Another of Joely's sisters, Tricia Leigh Fisher, plays Joanie here and would later be Megan.

Ellen: Ellen, with Child

Ellen: Ellen, with Child
ABC
February 14, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

In this very funny, censor-teasing Benedictis & Rowland story, Ellen hits it off much better with Matt's daughter Mia (Ebick Pizzadili, who would return) than Paige does.  In the midst of a science museum exhibit on the female reproductive system (my favorite part of the episode), Ellen decides that she'd like to have children one day.  But babysitting Mia while Matt and Paige go camping shows Ellen that motherhood is much harder than it looks, especially when Mia picks up on a swear word Ellen uses.

In a title sequence that wasn't then ironic on the surface, RuPaul teaches Ellen how to walk in an evening gown.  This is the 500th show I've reviewed from the '90s.  I think we'll make it to 600, but I can't say beyond that.

Ellen: Witness

Ellen: Witness
ABC
February 7, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This Alex Herschlag story has Ellen filling in at Spence's mock trial when first his girlfriend Denise (Stephanie Erb again) and then Audrey can't do it.  Meanwhile, the guys become addicted to the Blind Date board game.  Note that Audrey is still seeing Ron Palillo, "TV's Horshack," and Ellen even does the laugh.

Anthony Clark is back as Will from the book group.  Bari K. Willerford would return as the nameless Delivery Man.  The Del Rubios sing the theme song in the title sequence, and look pretty much like they did on Married with Children and in Americathon.

Ellen: Oh, Sweet Rapture

Ellen: Oh, Sweet Rapture
ABC
January 24, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Newman & Stark story, Audrey buys a new car, a Rapture, and soon becomes a part of a Rapture cult.  Meanwhile, offscreen, Paige meets Detective Matt's nine-year-old daughter and things do not go well.  Nick Toth, who was Mr. Powell on A Very Brady Christmas and The Bradys, Capt. Johnson on Roseanne, and a Businessman on Who's the Boss?, plays Earl here.

Ellen: Morgan, P.I.

Ellen: Morgan, P.I.
ABC
January 10, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

I ended up liking this Dava Savel story more than I expected, even though it lays down the groundwork for a triangle among Paige, Spence, and Detective Matt Liston (Dan Gauthier, who was one of Sam's better one-episode boyfriends on Who's the Boss?).  A plague of robberies have broken out in the neighborhood of Ellen's bookstore.  She and her friends, especially Spence, play amateur detectives, but Paige is mostly interested in attracting young, good-looking Detective Liston.  Spence wants to see if he and Paige have been fighting so much because of sexual tension, but at this point she's not at all interested.  The romantic lines cross over, along with some pretty good slapstick with Ellen, and it's even nice to see Spence play hero in the end.  (Well, at the very end, the thief charges Spence with assault.)

Noelle Hannibal is as always an uncredited Customer.

Ellen: Horshack's Law

Ellen: Horshack's Law
ABC
January 3, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This story by Tom Leopold meanders, as the gang tries to go to a party for John Travolta, but it does end on a lovely note, with Audrey hitting it off with Ron Palillo (who does a little Horshack laugh).

Elya Baskin, who plays Sergei the emotional limo driver, was a Foreign Man on Roseanne in '89.  Daryl Rowland, who's the Blues Musician in the credits sequence, had written two earlier episodes and would write two more.

Ellen: Do You Fear What I Fear?

Ellen: Do You Fear What I Fear?
ABC
December 20, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Right before Ellen's parents leave for a tropical cruise in this David Flebotte story, they give her her birthday gifts, including a funeral plot.  She becomes seasonally depressed in a different way than most, and her friends have to cheer her up in the graveyard.  Ellen's new neighbor Tad (Jamie Kennedy) appears as holiday help at the bookstore, again doing that weird dance.

Ellen: Ellen's Choice

Ellen: Ellen's Choice
ABC
December 6, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

In this Alex Herschlag story, Ellen's moronic book group (once again, Paul Bates as Kenny, Anthony Clark as Will Davies, Brian George as Ranjit, Christine Taylor as Karen Lewis, and Kate Williamson as Mrs. Rodgers) has a chance to appear on television, but only three (plus Ellen) are allowed on.  This isn't exactly on the level of the Bob Newhart Show episode where Bob brings his therapy group onto a talk show, although the results are similar, for different reasons.  (Bob's group is too camera-shy to talk, while Ellen's group neglected to read the book under discussion.)

Bob Glouberman, who previously played a Book Club Pundit, is Sean here.  DeGeneres's brother Vance plays Book Chat host Erik Matthew Marshall and he's actually the best thing about the episode.  (He'd return in another role in '97.)

Ellen: The Movie Show

Ellen: The Movie Show
ABC
November 22, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Newman & Stark episode is notable for the appearance of Joely Fisher's half-sister Carrie as herself.  While there are definitely moments I like, especially when Ellen is a very bad extra, it's a little hard, particularly these days, to watch Carrie play such a depressed and depressing version of herself.  (However, Ellen asking what Harrison Ford is really like has gotten funnier in the meantime.)  Additional irony by the passage of time: in 1995, Meg Ryan (only referred to, multiple times) being in a bookstore movie was hypothetical, since it wouldn't be till '98 that she'd make the dismal You've Got Mail.

Michael Des Barres, who at this point had done two of his three Roseannne appearances (one as Leon's boyfriend), here does his first of two for Ellen, as Nigel the Director.

Ellen: She Ain't Friendly, She's My Mother

Trigger warning

Ellen: She Ain't Friendly, She's My Mother
ABC
November 8, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

David Flebotte's first of seven Ellen scripts is marred by "sexual tension" between Spence and Paige, i.e. bickering like children and then flirting and then insulting some more.  Still, I liked seeing what was done with the plot of Ellen's mother trying to be her friend after undergoing therapy.  (If I recall correctly, Ellen's fears about her parents' marriage would come true in the next year and a half, leading to her own return to therapy.)

Sixty-nine-year-old Beverly Garland, who plays Eva, was last seen in my TV collection in the MST3K presentation of It Conquered the World, and she still looked great at this point.

Ellen: Trick or Treat - Who Cares?

Ellen: Trick or Treat - Who Cares?
ABC
November 1, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C

I almost went with a C- for this aptly titled first of seven Ellen stories by Alex Herschlag, but Spence eventually admits he's an asshole (not in those words), and I like Audrey's Halloween costume and how Ellen sits in one of the O's in the Hollywood sign.  Note that, as in the previous night's Roseanne episode, there's a Johnny Cochran reference.  Also, Audrey is described as perky, which would not at all have fit her first season persona.

Anthony Clark and Kate Williamson return as Will Davies and Mrs. Rodgers from Ellen's book club, although the club doesn't actually meet this week.  They're still not funny.

Ellen: Hello, I Must Be Going

Don't go!!!

Ellen: Hello, I Must Be Going
ABC
October 18, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B+

This first of four Ellen stories by Lisa DeBenedictis and Daryl Rowland broke my heart then and now.  Adam gets a job as a photographer in London and will be gone for three years.  At first, he won't say goodbye to Ellen.  He does bid farewell to Joe and Paige, and, to my squeal of delight and thumbs up, he tells Spence he never liked him (remember, he's known Ellen for a dozen years and probably met her cousin long ago), because he's "rude, arrogant, pushy, and your hairline's receding faster than the beach at Malibu."  Then, at what he thinks is the last minute, Adam hugs Ellen goodbye and says he's in love with her.  It turns out his departure is delayed, three times, and it's very awkward with Ellen.  (Meanwhile, hilariously, Audrey is cheerfully and methodically dating a series of men to get over Adam.)  Ellen, who would have another important emotional exchange at an airport a year and a half later, goes to see him off and they talk out their feelings, while I awww all over the place.  The episode ends with a montage of them waiting together and then she's alone.

Except she's not of course, because she's still got all her friends and Spence, ugh.  Still, a lovely episode if you can ignore what comes later.  (Not a shark-jump though, because this is a series that kept reinventing itself.)

Noelle Hannibal is again an uncredited Customer.  Jamie Kennedy would return as new neighbor Tad, who here has a great random dance to no music, because why not?

Ellen: The Bridges of L.A. County

Ellen: The Bridges of L.A. County
ABC
October 4, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

I almost went with a C or C-, because I didn't at all care about the Newman & Stark plot of Spence having a one-night stand with dumb blonde Karen Lewis (Christine Taylor, who gives more to the part than it deserves, but then earlier in the year she was such a good big-screen Marcia Brady that Maureen McCormick was impressed).  However, the scene of Ellen, Paige, and Audrey getting drunk on wine, playing with hair extensions, and complaining about men was genuinely funny.  I pouted when Adam's scene with Joe was over.  I'm really not looking forward to more of aggressive, opinionated Spence and I don't know why the producers thought he was an improvement over flawed but sweet Adam.

Although I didn't find the book group particularly funny, Paul Bates, Anthony Clark, Brian George, Bob Glouberman, and Kate Williamson would return as respectively Kenny Burke, Will Davies, Ranjit Sudar, the Book Club Pundit, and Mrs. Rodgers later in the year.