Ellen: Thirty Kilo Man, Part 2

Note that Dan and Ellen have exactly the same taste in clothes.

Ellen: Thirty Kilo Man, Part 2
ABC
May 17, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

In this lesser but still fun second part, this time written by Maria Semple, Ellen finds out that Dan (William Ragsdale) is actually importing pizza supplies.  Her parents have a great little scene where they not only ship "Danellen" (Paige's term) as hard as I do, but they deal with "the Man," i.e. police, who turns out to be Jack (Patrick Warburton again).  Dan forgives Ellen for being suspicious and they enter three weeks of NRE (new relationship energy, although that term isn't used).  Paige resents Ellen blowing her off to be with Dan.  Meanwhile, Dan helps Adam see how attractive Audrey is and soon A/A is hotter than ever.  How this all works out, including the role Joe plays in it, is interesting to see. The final moments, where Ellen says she's going to be in a movie (1996's Mr. Wrong I assume) and Paige says she's going to be a Broadway star, is fourth-wall-breaking.  Ellen says Dan will be back in a week, but in fact two very significant years would pass before his return.

Noelle Hannibal is again an uncredited Customer, and Dean Fortunato is again a Nameless Man.

Ellen in Season Two ranges from C to B+, almost half of those as B-s, so it's not surprising that the average is B- like Season One, although a high B- this time.  This cast seems better defined than "These Friends of Mine," and when the show works, it works well.  This was at a time when I was watching less TV (I'd gone back to college after the divorce), but I still caught my Wednesday night funny ladies when I could.  I don't know if at the time I realized that Ellen was finding itself and Roseanne was slowly losing itself, but it seems obvious now.  I don't remember much about Season Three of Ellen specifically, except that I think the core cast was kept intact, for now....

Ellen: Thirty Kilo Man, Part 1

Previously on Ellen

Ellen: Thirty Kilo Man, Part 1
ABC
May 10, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B+

It's a shame Vicki S. Horwitz didn't work on any other of my shows, because her script is easily the best of the season (unless Part 2 tops it of course).  Dan (William Ragsdale) returns from Italy after six months and he's no longer delivering pizzas but is instead in the international import/export business.  They start seeing each other again and fall in love, but then she starts to suspect he's a drug smuggler.  Before that suspicion, Ellen is deliriously happy, and her female friends are happy for her that she's, one, in love, and two, had sex.  (Adam starts to regret moving out, as if feeling threatened that Dan may move in, and Joe is seldom happy anyway.)  Meanwhile, Audrey's cop boyfriend is jealous of Adam, which is of course Audrey's fault.

The episode is playful, from opening to closing credits (President Clinton gives Ellen a fancy VCR in the flashbacks, and both the main plot and the subplots are "to be continued"), sweet, romantic, and very funny.  Obviously, Ellen, even more than Roseanne's Jackie, can't be happy with a man for long (and not just because this character will eventually come out), since this is a show about singles.  But it is charming to see Ellen so giddy, and I was and am a hardcore Ellen/Dan shipper.  I don't remember what happens in Part 2, so it'll be interesting to see how this is resolved.

Patrick Warburton, who was Brent earlier in the year, is Jack here and in Part 2.  Noelle Hannibal makes another of her uncredited appearances as a Customer, while Dean Fortunato would again be a nameless Man on Part 2.  And Jerry Penacoli plays Paige's date Richard in a flashback (a man she's already forgotten, although Dan asks about him).  Note that Paige claims to have dated approximately 100 men.

Ellen: The Therapy Episode

Ellen: The Therapy Episode
ABC
May 3, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

I'm not sure what to make of this Driscoll & Hester story where nearly dying on a ski-lift causes Ellen to try honesty with her parents, Paige to thrill-seek, and Adam to try to distribute his sperm before he dies.  Paxton Whitehead returns as Dr. Whitcomb, but this is far from the only "therapy episode."

Ellen: Three Strikes

Rockin' out to "Born to Be Wild"

Ellen: Three Strikes
ABC
March 29, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This story by two writers who didn't work on any other of my shows feels uneven, although it is nice to see more of Ellen's parents, as she's released to their custody after an animal-rights protest.  And we find out that Joe's father was a hunter, and Joe's mother made Joe wear a dress.  (When Ellen wears one, everyone reacts like she's in drag, which in a way she is.)

Clyde Kusatsu, who's Judge Mitchell Sung, played three different roles on M*A*S*H and was Kim Lee on Who's the Boss?  Cop Roger Eschbacher would later appear as Derek.

Ellen: $5,000

Ellen: $5,000
ABC
March 22, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

Newman & Stark wrote this very funny episode where an IRS agent (Dann Florek, great here, at a point when he'd been on Roseanne the first of three times, as Darlene's Principal, before coming back as a doctor) encourages Ellen to spend her refund of the title amount, but she gives it to Helping Hand, only to find out that the IRS made a mistake.  Meanwhile, Joe is an illegal immigrant from Canada, and Adam is taking pictures of Paige as inanimate objects.

Ellen: The Sleep Clinic

An unsteady triangle

Ellen: The Sleep Clinic
ABC
February 22, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

This might be the best episode of the season, although not quite a B+.  It's very funny, insightful, and even at times sexy (though a sexiness played for laughs).  In this Mark Driscoll story, both Ellen and Audrey are having erotic dreams about Adam, but Audrey has a crush on Adam and ends up seducing him, while Ellen ends up seeing a therapist, Dr. Whitcomb (Paxton Whitehead in his first of three appearances in the role).  Adam has Ellen pretend to be his girlfriend, after he regrets giving in to Audrey, and of course Ellen's visiting mother is thrilled that Ellen has finally found a man.  (Mrs. Morgan seems to like Adam a lot more than she likes Paige.)  Ellen and Adam do end up kissing (for the first time in twelve years), a light kiss to make Audrey happy and then a deeper kiss after Audrey leaves.  And yet, Adam and Ellen feel no sparks.  So I guess it's not a sailable ship.  But, yeah, it's fun watching Arye Gross get to make out so much.

Ellen: Guns 'N Ellen

Adam/Audrey is launched.

Ellen: Guns 'N Ellen
ABC
February 15, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Newman & Stark story, when Ellen is robbed, Detective Gil Ryan (Eric Allan Kramer, who was Bobo on Roseanne in '89) teaches her and her friends self-defense.  Audrey, who's transitioning from negative to her more upbeat and memorable self, not only promotes guns but flirts a lot with Adam.

Ellen: Ballet Class

Ellen: Ballet Class
ABC
February 8, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

Richard Day wrote this episode that turned out better than I expected.  Ellen decides to pursue her childhood dream of becoming a ballerina.  And Adam, who trained in ballet for six years, agrees to coach her.  She's taking a class from Peter (Patrick Bristow) from Helping Hands and hopes to get the lead.  Meanwhile, Joe sarcastically lets Ellen know when he's being sarcastic, her mother continues to pressure her about finding a man, and Paige's new boyfriend wears bad '70s fashions.  This all comes to a head in two scenes, one where Ellen's parents are delighted she's brought a man home, even though Peter is very, very obviously gay.  (Bristow is adorable in the role and I'm glad he became semi-recurring.)  The finale has Adam and Ellen dancing the leads (after the bitchy prima donna does herself an injury), and everyone cheers them, including Paige in a "vinyl cow dress" as Joe puts it.  I like that for once Ellen is allowed to triumph, without it being undercut.  (She's clumsy in the tag, but that's OK.)

Ballet Dancer Courtney Pakiz had previously been the Yoga Instructor.

Ellen: The Spa

Ellen: The Spa
ABC
January 25, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

While it's nice to see Garry Shandling's Molly Cheek as Sylvia, I couldn't get into the main plot in Suzanne Martin's story, since I couldn't see why Ellen couldn't just leave the spa if she was that unhappy.  I did enjoy the subplot, with Adam nervously attempting to become friends with Joe, the two playing up the double meanings, like when the cable quits and Adam says this has never happened to him before.

Patrick Warburton, who plays Brent, would return in the role of Jack.  We hear that Joe and Stephanie recently broke up, but not why.

Ellen: The Apartment Hunt

Ellen: The Apartment Hunt
ABC
January 11, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Mark Driscoll wrote this story where Ellen has trouble saying no to Audrey, so she helps her look for an apartment, lets her move in when that apartment is destroyed in an earthquake, lets Audrey keep her (Ellen's) apartment when Ellen moves out, and lets her move into another apartment in the building when Ellen's new place is destroyed in a fire.  Meanwhile, Paige dates an anonymous juror (his face covered by a blue circle) whom it's hinted is on the O.J. Simpson jury, since there are references to a glove and a knife.  (Opening statements were on January 24, 1995, but the case had been big news for months.)

Kate Hodge makes her last appearance as Stephanie, who's been dating Joe three weeks now.  Ralph P. Martin, who plays Tony the landlord, will be known to Who's the Boss? viewers as Ernie the water man.

Ellen: Ellen's Improvement

Ellen: Ellen's Improvement
ABC
January 4, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

Tracy Newman and Jonathan Stark's first of eleven stories for the series took a situation that we've seen on other sitcoms, e.g. Three's Company, in a different direction than I expected.  Ellen's plan to self-educate leads her to date a British UCLA professor, but he ends up embracing the world of pop culture, especially television.  (He even takes her to a taping of Full House.)  Meanwhile Joe and Stephanie (Kate Hodge)'s whirlwind romance continues, with her moving in after two weeks, and him moving out (and into the bookstore) soon after that.

Peter Kim, who was Po on M*A*S*H, appears here with his wife, named, yes, Kim Kim.

Ellen: The Christmas Show

Ellen: The Christmas Show
ABC
December 14, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Suzanne Martin wrote this story where Ellen is unable to break up with her clingy boyfriend and things drag on, even to their wedding day in the tag.

Dick Clark's voice is heard briefly in the New Year's Eve scene.  Cookie Man Jeffrey Allan Chandler had played Dwayne on Who's the Boss?  Sweet Old Woman Molly David was Woman in Coffee Shop on Roseanne, while Lucky Customer Jonathan Emerson would be a Yoga Instructor on Roseanne.  Kate Hodge makes her first of three appearances as Ellen's employee Stephanie, here in a comically tempestuous relationship with Joe.  And, yes, that's Joely Fisher's real-life mother providing the offscreen voice for Paige's mother.

Ellen: Ellen's New Friend

Ellen: Ellen's New Friend
ABC
December 7, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This, written by Mark Driscoll, is another episode that doesn't quite live up to its potential, although there is a subtext that Ellen has a crush on Audrey's friend.  The tag is a set of bloopers of Lewis and DeGeneres cracking up in the tent.

Ellen: Mrs. Koger

Ellen: Mrs. Koger
ABC
November 30, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Richard Day wrote this story where Ellen's attempts to express her anger make her feel guilty after she yells at the title character (Nita Talbot, one of my favorite character actresses, 64 at this point, sixteen years after she was on Soap, and here wearing obvious old-lady makeup), who subsequently dies.  Meanwhile, Ellen hires a manager at the bookstore and it does not go well.  This could've been funnier but still not bad.

Funeral Director Damian London was a Captain on Three's Company.

Ellen: The Trainer

Ellen: The Trainer
ABC
November 23, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B

Holly Hester wrote this story, her first of two for Ellen, where Paige begs Ellen to pretend to be a personal trainer for Paige's boss at the movie studio, Ted Layton (Harry Shearer, underplaying where other actors would overact).  He ends up making Ellen an executive, which is Paige's dream.  It's up to Ellen to straighten things out.  Meanwhile, Adam tries to avoid his building-super duties.

IMDB has Courtney Pakiz uncredited as the Yoga/Fitness Instructor, but we don't see her onscreen, unless I missed it; she would be a Ballet Dancer on the series the next year.

Ellen: Adam's Birthday

Ellen: Adam's Birthday
ABC
November 16, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B

Maria Semple's story is the first where it feels like the series is finding itself.  There were funny and otherwise entertaining episodes before, but this one goes a little deeper.  Ellen throws a 32nd birthday party for Adam, but it makes him feel like his life hasn't progressed since college.  He decides that he needs to move out, after living with Ellen for over a decade. The separation is hard on them, her especially, and Adam, after a stint in a retirement home, moves across the hall from Ellen.  The episode teases the viewers with the possibility that the longtime roommates might become less platonic, but the still below appears to be either from a deleted scene or something that appeared during publicity for the episode.  (On the episode on the DVD, and I believe this is the version that aired, they come close to kissing, vertically, a couple times.)


Noelle Hamilton is an uncredited Customer again.  Billye Ree Wallace, who was a nameless Woman on Who's the Boss? four years earlier, is Polly here, while Bill Calvert was Patrick on WtB in '88 and is a presumably entirely different Patrick here.  (He was also a Patrick on China Beach, and that's out of 35 acting credits.)  Seventy-five-year-old Patrick Cranshaw, who'd been playing an old man at least since Green Acres, is Irving here.

Ellen: The Toast

Ellen: The Toast
ABC
November 9, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B

Suzanne Martin wrote this story where Ellen's younger-by-three-years brother Steven is getting married and Ellen is managing and mismanaging the wedding.  Her mother pressures her to get married, and she has to prove herself to both parents.  The episode is funny, including the bridesmaid dresses, but it also offers some insight into Ellen's family life.  Note that her mother disapproves of "hussy" Paige for teaching Ellen to smoke twenty years ago.

Mark L. Taylor, who played O'Malley on M*A*S*H, is Charles here.

Ellen: So Funny

Ellen: So Funny
ABC
October 26, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In her first of three appearances on the series, Kathy Najimy plays Adam's "second-best friend" Theresa.  Ellen is jealous because Theresa is also funny, but Maria Semple seems to have forgotten to write anything genuinely funny for Theresa to say.  We see that she amuses everyone, other than Ellen, but sometimes we're just hearing bits and pieces of anecdotes.  We have to take it on faith that she's funny.  Still, it's a likable episode, and the tag is good, with Ellen and Theresa comparing notes on Adam.

Ellen: The Fix-Up

Ellen: The Fix-Up
ABC
October 19, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Richard Day wrote this episode where Ellen tells her mother, "You don't need a man to be happy," but Lois nonetheless fixes her up with a man whom Ellen remembers from twenty years ago as a very weird boy.  It turns out he's pretty normal, but Ellen's behavior makes him think she's weird.

Ellen: The Note

Ellen: The Note
ABC
October 12, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this David S. Rosenthal story, Ellen wonders who in her book group wrote a negative note about her, which leads to her "spooning" (not actually touching) with an acquaintance in a mattress store.  Meanwhile Adam's phone voice gets to second base.  Note that Ellen and Paige went to summer camp together and both knew Adam in college.

Kenneth Kimmins, who was a Blind Man on Soap, here plays Phil.  Paul Marin, who was Mr. Peabody on Three's Company, is Mr. Phillips here.  Salesman Gene Poe would return in the final season as a nameless Man.