The Perfect Woman

The Perfect Woman
ca. 1981
TV-Movie
VHS
C+

OK, so this is copyrighted as 1980 (I was remembering it as '79), listed as '81 on IMDB, but referred to as '78 elsewhere on the Internet.  I don't even know where it debuted, although it's entirely possible that it was a very early straight-to-video-and-or-cable release.  My copy is off of KDOC (Orange County, CA) around '89 or '90 (complete with ads of the time and place, including a Wally George "bimbo" video).  The budget is very low (check out the scene of the king and queen jogging where we see no scenery except a blue sky), the plot meandering, and the cast, well, somewhat recognizable, see below.  The film never crosses over into full-on camp but it's fairly enjoyable, especially if you like that sort of later-Carter-era, we-wanted-to-make-a-porno-but-instead-went-for-a-sci-fi-comedy feel.

King Kroger (Fred Willard, played with the insouciance of a man who knows that this is far from his most embarrassing role) reigns but doesn't really rule the planet of Zucco (sp?).  His counsel, who actually run the show, want him to get married so his "sissy" cousin won't inherit the throne.  Kroger spends most of his time watching Earth TV and he wants an Earth bride.  So his buddies/lackeys Emo (Barry Gordon, as nebbishy as usual) and Zig (Peter Kastner, who I think is best remembered for his cross-dressing '60s show, The Ugliest Girl in Town) are sent to Earth to find the title character.  They meet a confident but feminine woman named Julie (Joanne Nail, who doesn't seem to have ever done anything big, although she's not bad here) who fits the bill.  She comes back and marries the king but the royal couple soon start arguing.  It all ends happily when she after an unspecified interval tells the king she's pregnant.  Re the sexless porno, besides the low budget, there are many moments when sex or at least nudity could've been included (and for all I know were on the non-public-television version) but we never even get to see Julie's McGuffin of a birthmark.

Ronnie Schell is the Real Estate Agent.  Barbara Minkus, who's Mizo here, played Elaine on That Girl.  Of the women that Zig and Emo interview, Angela Aames was Girl #1 on Mork & Mindy in '80, while Donna Ponterotto would be Theresa Rossini on Who's the Boss? in '85.  And, yes, that's Rudy Vallee at roughly the age of 80 as Tock.