Roseanne: The Pied Piper of Lanford

Roseanne: The Pied Piper of Lanford
ABC
May 14, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Jay O. Sanders returns as Ziggy, who not only leads Jackie on by sleeping with her and then wanting to move in, but he leads Dan on by wanting to buy the town's bike shop so they can repair motorcycles together.  (A pre-Everybody-Loves-Raymond Brad Garrett plays Dan's friend Doug the loan officer.)  I don't know if it's Sanders's performance, Jeff Abugov's writing, Whitesell's direction, or for that matter the hair, makeup & costume crew, but Ziggy comes across as creepier than I think he's meant to.  We should see why he appeals to people, including Becky, who sees him as a "more mature" version of Mark, but I have trouble seeing how he sweeps people off their feet.  That said, at least his leaving $20,000 in an envelope, after having bailed and said goodbye, sets up some of the changes in the next season.  For once, Roseanne won't be the one changing her job, which is good for Bonnie and Leon fans like myself who welcome more Rodbell's stories.

As we complete the first third of Roseanne's nine-year run, it's clear that the show continues to get better and better.  The range for Season Three is C to B+, but over half the episodes receive B's and the average is B.  The writing is generally both funnier and more realistic, not just than the first two seasons but then any of the contemporary sitcoms.  Whitesell's direction is understated but clearly effective.  The cast becomes more solid, with welcome new additions, from Martin Mull and Bonnie Sheridan at the restaurant, to Glenn Quinn as Mark.  From what I recall, Season Four would build on this, including adding Johnny Galecki as David.  But we're not quite there yet....

Roseanne: Scenes from a Barbecue

Roseanne: Scenes from a Barbecue
ABC
May 7, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B

Shelley Winters makes her first of ten appearances as Roseanne's beloved Nana Mary.  At 70, she was too young to plausibly be 38-year-old Barr's grandmother, let alone the mother of the (unseen in this episode) 63-year-old Estelle Parsons, but no matter.  She looks and acts enough like Roseanne, that when she says Roseanne will be her in 40 years, we believe it.*  Writers Myer & Lorre are a bit heavy-handed about how everyone in the family adores Nana, which keeps this from being a B+.  Still, it's a solid third-season episode, without much plot but a lot of character interaction, from Nana assuring the black Mitchells she's not prejudiced, to the men's argument about how to BBQ.  The highlight is of course Bonnie surprising her friends with her beautiful voice for "You Really Got a Hold On Me" during the singalong.  (If I remember correctly, David Crosby would later show up as her referred to but not yet seen husband Duke, and we'd get a delicious duet.)

Kristopher Kent Hill returns as Lonnie.  James Pickens, Jr. and Adilah Barnes are back as Chuck and Anne-Marie, but I had to cut someone out of my excessive tags.  This is the only episode where we see Chuck, Jr., who's 16.


*Having read autobiographies by both women, I can say that Winters and Barr were quite a bit alike in real life as well, from being Jewish and "loud-mouthed" to having been pregnant as teenagers.  Their politics, at least at the time, were also similar.  But, yes, the physical resemblance is striking.

Roseanne: Second Time Around

Roseanne: Second Time Around
ABC
April 2, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B

Maxine Lapiduss wrote this script, whose highlight is the flashback to D.J.'s birth in 1982, with Dan in a mustache and Roseanne and Jackie wearing perms not unlike their hair in the earliest episodes.  D.J. himself has more to do than usual, with his fears of Dan's death.  Note that Roseanne is Crystal's back-up Lamaze partner, and we don't know what month Crystal is in but she's showing, roughly three months after her wedding.

Roseanne: Trouble with the Rubbles

Roseanne: Trouble with the Rubbles
ABC
March 26. 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B-

The title here is ironic, since the Conners do not hit it off with their new neighbors.*  Well, D.J. decides that Todd Bowman is his new best friend, but Todd's mother Kathy (Meagen Fay the first of four times in the role) takes an immediate dislike to Roseanne.  (Troy Davidson plays Todd and then is never seen again.  I can't remember if they recast Todd, but so much for being best friends.)  The script by Joel Madison feels slightly off, but I remember some funnier moments with and about Kathy later.  Danton Stone makes his first of four appearances as Kathy's husband Jerry but has less to do.


*And, yes, John Goodman would play Fred Flintstone on the big screen three years later.

Roseanne: Her Boyfriend's Back

Roseanne: Her Boyfriend's Back
ABC
March 12, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B+

Sheldon Krasner and David Saling, who co-wrote one Who's the Boss? episode, here do their only Roseanne story, with a teleplay by Brad Isaacs (his middle of five) and Maxine Lapiduss (her first of eight).  Sometimes that many writers can lead to a messy script, but here it seems to help with the complexity of what happens when Mark is, yes, back.  Roseanne hates him, perhaps partly because, it's suggested, she remembers when she was sixteen and fell for an older boy with a motorcycle.  Dan tries to be understanding but he gives Becky the cold shoulder when she and Mark borrow Dan's motorcycle without permission.  Darlene seems caught in the middle.  And in a comic subplot, Jackie is training to be a massage therapist.

Roseanne: Vegas Interruptus

It's the '90s and the hairstyles are still unflattering.

Roseanne: Vegas Interruptus
ABC
February 26, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B

Abugov, Lorre, and Myer wrote this story where Dan and Roseanne plan to fly to Vegas for the weekend, despite, one, her boss Leon changing her schedule, and two, their daughters planning a party.  (D.J. will stay with Crystal, who's now visibly pregnant, a month or so after the wedding.)  Roseanne reluctantly agrees to go, but she doesn't want to lose this job, especially since she likes Bonnie.  (As do I, more Bonnie please!)  Jackie plays party chaperone, threatening to wear her cop uniform, which I guess she didn't have to turn in when she quit the force.

From the title, I had this one mixed up with the one where D & R go to Vegas with Arnie & Nancy, but in this one they get snowed in in Chicago.  The episode never quite becomes classic, but there are some great moments, from Jackie's reaction to being hit on by a senior, to two boys fighting over Darlene: Brian (Matt Norero again) and Barry Parker (Tristan Tait again).  Also, the tag, where D & R dance to a Wayne Newton record and tell each other happy lies captures what's so magic about them as a couple.  Note that Mark is referred to but not seen.

Susan Quick was Heather Dolan on That Girl and Gloria Thompson on The Brady Bunch, as well as Lady #2 here.  Nick Toth, who was Mr. Powell in A Very Brady Christmas and The Bradys, gets to deliver the episode's funniest line, as Capt. Johnson.  Man #2, Rick Spector, would be a Customer the next year.

Roseanne: Communicable Theater

Roseanne: Communicable Theater
ABC
February 19, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
C

This Heath & Sherman story is potentially hilarious, with Roseanne trying to deal with Dan's cold and Jackie's hobby of community theater, but it's not.  Jack Blessing, who was Lt. Rollins on M*A*S*H, here is Cyrano AKA Phil.

Roseanne: Valentine's Day

Roseanne: Valentine's Day
ABC
February 12, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B

There are a lot of things going on in this episode, some of more significance in retrospect than at the time:

• We meet Roseanne's equally sarcastic and heavy co-worker Bonnie Watkins (played by Bonnie Sheridan of Delaney & Bonnie, and, yes, we'll hear her sing later), as well as their new manager Leon Carp (the incomparable Martin Mull).  Finally, she'll be at a workplace that can hold its own with the family scenes!
• The story, written by Bob Myer, has two main plots about, yes, Valentine's Day.  In the less interesting one, Dan is too embarrassed to buy Roseanne lingerie, although he tries.  (Arnie shows up in the store, presumably shopping for a gift for Nancy.)
• The other thread is again one that is somewhat like a Brady plot, with the tomboy middle girl trying to impress an older boy, only to have him interested in her more confident older sister.  The difference here is that, rather than Jan simply putting on a dress and having the boy immediately see her as no longer "a guy," it seems to be physically and emotionally painful, but also very funny, for Darlene to try to femme it up.  (The tag has bloopers of Barr cracking up at Gilbert.)
• That Gilbert would much later come out as a lesbian, give this an added subtext.
• Rather than cattily saying something like Marcia's "Don't blame me if boys don't find you attractive," Becky does genuinely try to be a good older sister, including in some scenes that are described rather than shown.
• Roseanne's meddling does not turn out as well as Carol Brady's.

The boy that Darlene likes that likes Becky is Barry Parker (Tristan Tait, who would return later that season).  Molly David, who's the Woman in the Coffee Shop, would be a Sweet Old Woman on Ellen.  And, yes, that's 15-year-old Tobey Maguire as Jeff.

Roseanne: Home Ec

DiCaprio on the left

Roseanne: Home Ec
ABC
February 5, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This episode written by someone who didn't do any other of my shows isn't great, but it has a few notable things about it:

• Darlene seems annoyed by her mother's "feminism" and later says she plans to marry a rich guy, not exactly characteristic for Darlene;
• The guys in Darlene's Home Ec class refuse to go grocery-shopping, but I fail to see how that's more "girly" than cooking;
• Sixteen-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio has a small, lineless, uncredited role as one of Darlene's male classmates, predating his role on Growing Pains;
• There's a reference to Roseanne Barr being on the covers of magazines, although she's not mentioned by name, just that she put a curse on her ex-husband and Roseanne Conner thinks the celebrity is a great singer;
• The subplot is that D.J. is being bullied at school, which he and Conners handle in a very different way than Peter and the Bradys two decades earlier;
• And D.J. is described as a "twisted genius," which does fit his Season Three character.

Checkout Clerk David Greenlee was Young Leonard Smith on the It's Garry Shandling's Show episode about Leonard's Vietnam experiences.  Yunoka Doyle and Cynthia Marie King, who are Meryl and Suzy respectively, would soon be Carrie and Linda on the same episode of Who's the Boss?  And Vic Polizos, who's Jack Morgan, would become Sam's father-in-law, Joe Thomopolous, on WtB the next season.

Roseanne: The Wedding

Roseanne: The Wedding
ABC
January 15, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B

The wedding goes forward, despite Dan's disapproval, especially when he finds out that Crystal is pregnant.  (I remember calling it when I first saw this episode, as soon as they said that Crystal kept going to the bathroom.)  He does come around eventually.  Jeff Abugov's script again offers drama and comedy, the latter including the awful pink bridesmaids' dresses that of course haven't improved with age.  Note that Crystal's recounting of her marriages does not match what we heard in the first season.  Also, the title is retrospectively plain, considering how many more weddings would be on this somewhat soap-operatic sitcom.

Lynn Ann Leveridge appears as Lucy and would return as an unknown character.  Kristopher Kent Hall takes over the role of Lonnie, which he'll keep for three years but only four more appearances.  And, yes, Crystal and Anne-Marie (Adilah Barnes) remember each other from high school.

Roseanne: The Courtship of Eddie, Dan's Father

Roseanne: The Courtship of Eddie, Dan's Father
ABC
January 8, 1991
Sitcom
DVD
B

After a slow start, this episode with a story by Bob Myer and a teleplay by Don Foster and Joel Madison, offers a fine blend of comedy and drama.  As the title suggests, Dan's father Ed pays a visit, bringing gifts, including a VCR, which causes Darlene to remark that the family is "leaping into the '80s."  (By this point, it had been about a decade since VCRs were accessible to the upper middle class, and they'd been trickling down to the middle middle throughout the '80s, but, yes, there were still some working class families that couldn't afford them in '91.)

Roseanne decides to matchmake Crystal with the guy who owns the camera shop at the mall, until she walks in on Ed and Crystal kissing passionately.  Then she tries to matchmake Jackie and the camera guy, but mostly so she can get them to leave so she can find out what's going on.  It turns out that Ed and Crystal have been seeing each other since they were at Thanksgiving the year before last.  (This episode is specifically set in January.)  In fact, they're engaged.  Dan does not react well, although Roseanne is supportive.  The episode ends on a cliffhanger, but as the next episode is called "The Wedding," I think we know how this will turn out.

D'Anne Avner, who plays the Woman in the Coffee Shop, would return in an unknown role.

Roseanne: Confessions

Roseanne: Confessions
ABC
December 18, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

Brad Isaacs wrote this story where Bev visits without her husband and as usual throws the Conner household into chaos.  One thread throughout the series, especially in these early seasons, is that Roseanne wants to be a better mother than her own.  Darlene says that Grandma was probably a better mother than Great-Grandma, but I'm not sure how true that is.  (If the "Roseanne Revival" happens, we'll find out if Darlene did indeed become a better mother than Roseanne, although I don't know how canonical it'll be.)

Roseanne: Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?

Good teamwork with Goranson & Gilbert

Roseanne: Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?
ABC
December 4, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

Becky and Darlene, who have the same curfew despite their age difference of a year or so, keep coming home late, so Roseanne and Dan decide to teach them a lesson by staying out late, especially since it's the 20th anniversary of R & D's First Time.  Jackie, who's doing community theater (which will get its own plot later) is happy to play along.  D.J. is over at a friend's most of the episode and, more for the Weird D.J. file, recently tied a bunch of squirrels together.

Roseanne: Dream Lover

Roseanne: Dream Lover
ABC
November 27, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

Chuck Lorre wrote this story where Dan is having sex dreams about a woman he hardly knows.  Roseanne wants to find out why.  Meanwhile, D.J. continues to get weirder, this time washing something furry and dead in the girls' bathroom sink.  The funniest part is Crystal's lust for Pat Sajak.  Note that there are finally some more scenes set at the Rodbell's restaurant, after a few episodes with Roseanne wearing her uniform, but we still haven't yet met Leon or Bonnie.

Ritch Shydner, who plays Carl the mall cop, would come back to the series years later as two other characters.

Roseanne: Bird Is the Word

Roseanne: Bird Is the Word
ABC
November 13, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

Despite some continuity issues, which I'll get to, this is a good episode with a nice twist.  Several students of the Class of '93, including it seems Becky, give the finger in the class photo.  Roseanne has to go see Principal Hiller (Dann Florek, who would return several seasons later as Darlene's doctor), and in the outer office she reconnects with her old high school friend Anne-Marie Mitchell (Adilah Barnes in her first of fifteen appearances).  Then it turns out it was another kid's hand but Becky took the credit for it because it made her more popular.

This is the first of eight Roseanne episodes written by Joel Madison and Don Foster, but I don't know if that explains the inconsistencies.  Becky is supposed to be 16 at this point, although a previous episode put her birthday in March.  Also, it appears that Darlene isn't yet at high school, so either she got left back, or they extended the years of the junior high, a la The Brady Bunch when Marcia started high school so much later than Greg.  Furthermore, we've already met Anne-Marie's husband Chuck, although the writers may not then have intended to give him the family they would, including an at the moment unseen Chuck, Jr.  Note that there's a joke about Gilligan's Island, which would be ironic after the GI tribute episode.

Roseanne: PMS, I Love You

Roseanne: PMS, I Love You
ABC
November 6, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Tom Arnold not only appears as Arnie in this episode, but he wrote the script.  And I can imagine him and Barr thinking a story about her PMS would be full of comic possibilities, but the extreme mood swings are too over the top.  Also, we have to suspend disbelief that not only Roseanne C's family and Crystal are intimidated by her, but 150 of the Conners' friends.  There are funny moments here and there, but not enough.  Note that this is set in November and Dan is turning 39, making him born in '51.  And, yes, there's a certain irony these days to Roseanne telling the stripper, "You're the reason we'll never a woman president," when Barr would endorse Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton.

Roseanne: Trick or Treat

Roseanne: Trick or Treat
ABC
October 30, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B-

As before, the costumes outshine the writing, this time by Lorre & Abugov, on a Halloween episode, including Arnie as the ghost of Elvis.  The episode is more daring than the one in '89, with Dan uncomfortable with D.J. dressing as a witch, and then Roseanne dressing and passing as a man at the Lobo.  I just don't feel like things are as clever or funny as they could be, particularly in comparison to other Season Three episodes so far.  Note that when Crystal shows up, for the first time since Roseanne's pregnancy scare, she doesn't recognize Roseanne and even flirts with her a little.  This would all seem mild with the passage of time, including more daring episodes in later seasons.

Guy Boyd was Sgt. Lally on M*A*S*H and is Pat here.  Ken Kells makes his first of three Roseanne appearances, as a Monster, while Bob Telford is Bill for the first of two times.  Don Maxwell and Robert Miranda return as Willy and Andy respectively.   James Pickens, Jr. makes his first of nineteen appearances as Dan's friend Chuck Mitchell but isn't given much to do at this point.

Roseanne: Becky, Beds and Boys

The late Glenn Quinn

Roseanne: Becky, Beds and Boys
ABC
October 23, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

And so we meet Mark.  After all those boyfriends that passed through without making much impression on the viewers, Becky's family, or Becky herself, along comes Mark Healy (Glenn Quinn), who will be sticking around much longer than anyone could've guessed and indeed (SPOILER I GUESS) will end up marrying Becky.  Dan and Roseanne take an instant dislike to him, which turns to hate when they see him drinking at the Lobo.  And Darlene mocking his intelligence sets the tone for their relationship (except for the inside-out finale of course).  Meanwhile, Roseanne and Dan go bed-shopping.  Jennifer Heath and Amy Sherman (who at some point married Who's the Boss? writer Daniel Palladino) would respectively write six more and twelve more episodes for this series.

Roseanne: Goodbye, Mr. Right

Roseanne: Goodbye, Mr. Right
ABC
October 15, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

Jackie is injured in the line of duty, upsetting her boyfriend Gary (Brian Kerwin in, yes, his last appearance).  He wants her to quit being a cop, but she doesn't want to do that just to please him.  So the title is ambiguous.  Is Gary indeed Mr. Right and Jackie refuses to accept that?  Or is his refusal to accept her as she is proof that he's not Mr. Right?  Meanwhile there's a funny subplot about the girls discovering dismembered dolls in their brother's room, another example of the weirding of D.J. this season, when he was fairly normal the first two seasons.

Louisa Abernathy would play a Nurse on the show again four years later.  No, I don't know why this episode aired a day earlier than usual that week.

Roseanne: Like, a New Job

Poor Kelly (Katsy Chappell)

Roseanne: Like, a New Job
ABC
October 9, 1990
Sitcom
DVD
B

Jeff Abugov's first of twelve Roseanne stories has a title that I think is a small nod to the previous episode, "Like a Virgin."  In any case, it thankfully moves Roseanne out of the beauty shop and into the restaurant at Rodbell's department store, to Becky's embarrassment.  We won't meet boss Leon or co-worker Bonnie till later, but at least the set-up is here.  Meanwhile, Dan manages things at home and Roseanne has to let some of the "power" go, or at least seem to.  Note that the basement being her writing studio is mentioned briefly, but the entrance seems to have shifted within the house, as if it's off of the laundry room rather than the kitchen.

Barr's real-life son Jake Pentland, under the name of Jake McLaine, makes his first of two appearances on his mom's show, here as Kid #1.  Lindsay Fisher makes her last appearance as Becky's friend Dana, still obeying the rule to not come over to the Conners'.  And, yes, that's a 16-year-old pre-Buffy Alyson Hannigan as Becky's friend Jan.