Roseanne: Into That Good Night

Roseanne: Into That Good Night
ABC
May 20, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B

This one-hour series conclusion was co-written by Allan Stephan, Barr, and her daughters Jessica and Jennifer Pentland.  Whether this is how the series or the season should've ended is still subject to debate, especially with a Roseanne revival next year.  But it is entertaining and sometimes moving in of itself.  Of course I don't want Dan to be dead, or David and Darlene to be split up, but I get the point that Roseanne, both Barr and Conner, wanted to rewrite the way life goes.  It doesn't justify or explain the madness of Season Nine, but it's not a bad place to "end."

I'm omitting not only Cole Roberts and the Hazen twins, but also Sandra Bernhard, Martin Mull, and Fred Willard, although I think it's interesting that none of Roseanne's straight friends are included in the baby's homecoming.  Note that Goranson is tagged for the flashback to when Roseanne's writing room was set up in the basement.

Roseanne's final season ranges from two D-s to one B+, averaging out to a C+.  There are still good moments, good episodes, but more rarely than in previous seasons.  In some ways, this show resembles M*A*S*H, a sitcom with serious and even dark moments, running perhaps too long and yet still capable of making me cry as it ends.  (And both shows have a ton of continuity errors of course.)  It'll be interesting to see what happens in "Season Ten," but I expect to be done with this blog before that airs.

Roseanne: Arsenic and Old Mom

Roseanne: Arsenic and Old Mom

ABC

May 13, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
D-

Time has not made this episode any less painful.  In fact, knowing that Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds would die so close together makes this collaboration even more of a waste.  It ties for my least favorite episode of the series, with the spa episode. 

Dan's mother Audrey (played here by Reynolds) is released from "the hospital," supposedly all well, as long as she takes her meds.  She doesn't and decides to kill Dan for institutionalizing her, twenty years ago!  The script is by Fisher and I can't help wishing that a more realistic, funnier, and sweeter story could've been submitted instead.  Why drag Goodman back, when his performance shows how little he wants to be doing this story?  And there's even a gratuitous joke about D.J. lusting after Princess Leia, just so Grandma can hit him for it, which is even less funny considering who wrote the joke.  This episode is to be avoided by all but the masochistic and/or completist.  (So of course it gets high ratings on IMDB.)

Heather Matarazzo makes her last appearance as Heather.  Staff writer Lawrence Broch plays the Doctor.  This is a rare episode without Laurie Metcalf.

Roseanne: The Truth Be Told

Roseanne: The Truth Be Told
ABC
March 18, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This Broch & Winchell story is never anywhere near as sharply satirical as it thinks it is, but there are some pretty good moments.  Roseanne gets a chance to sell her life story to network TV-- ABX-- and to the Home Movie Channel (HMC).  Meanwhile, Bev and Leon tell embarrassing stories about the Conners to a reporter from the tabloids, and unless we think they're very drunk and/or stupid, we have to assume that they're passive-aggressively seeking to embarrass Roseanne.

Ruta Lee returns as Bev's girlfriend Joyce.  Bob Fuller makes his final Roseanne appearance as the Clothing Salesman, while this time Johnny Dark is Frank Andrews.  Goodman's voice is heard offscreen, presumably prerecorded.

Roseanne: Roseanne-Feld

More bad advice about girls from Mark

Roseanne: Roseanne-Feld
ABC
March 4, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This episode doesn't really go anywhere with its three main threads and, unlike the first season or two, this is not just slice-of-life stuff, albeit more plausible than much of this season.  In one thread, Mark and Jackie go to see wrestling and she's invited onstage to participate, while he wishes he could join in.  Meanwhile, D.J. and his still relatively new girlfriend Heather (Matarazzo again) finally kiss and then consider having sex, with condoms, but he decides he'd rather masturbate in his room (yes, of course offscreen) with his dad's old picture of Julie Newmar (pronounced with the accent on "Mar").  And Leon and Scott meet Bev's new girlfriend, Lanford chanteuse Joyce (sixty-one-year-old Ruta Lee, recognizable for, among many TV roles, Lisa on Mork & Mindy, and Mrs. Dawson and Marsha Whitewood on Three's Company), and the four of them have a great time hanging out.  Writers Whitley & Winchell apparently don't know, have forgotten, or don't care that both Leon and Bev were established as alcoholics (I think the previous season or two), and have them get drunk without their partners being concerned.  But the show tunes are nice.

Spice Williams, who was Mosquito Woman on Out of This World, is Cincinnati Patti here.

Roseanne: The Miracle

Roseanne: The Miracle
ABC
February 25, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B+

Barr wrote the story that Drew Ogier turned into a teleplay, and it shows what they were capable of when they stuck to the family dynamic and left out the lottery etc.  Yes, Roseanne wants to use her money to help her granddaughter survive, but the episode is mostly about the emotions that this closeknit, if often bickering family goes through when Darlene gives birth prematurely and the baby has a small chance of survival.  (Darlene is still only twenty-eight weeks along, so the pregnancy math on this series remains screwy.)  I cried more than once, partly because I've grown to love these characters again, especially David and Darlene, and it's hard to see them in such pain.  Galecki and Gilbert really step up to the acting challenge, particularly together.  Goodman is of course another standout, as he helps David stay strong for Darlene.  The idea of baby Harris being healed by love is corny, but it's all well done.  I realize not every Season Nine episode could be like this, not without crossing into permanent dramedy status, but I'm glad that they at least made this one.

Rick Fitts played Martin Jackson on Generations, but not on the episodes I reviewed; he was a Reporter on Ellen and is a nameless Doctor here.  Michael Des Barres was also on Ellen, as Nigel the Director, and had played two previous Roseanne roles before his appearance here as Dr. Phillips.  Dann Florek returns as Dr. Rudmen.

Roseanne: A Second Chance

Roseanne: A Second Chance
ABC
February 18, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B

Cynthia Mort wrote this story where Dan and Roseanne reconcile and Darlene goes into early labor, at seven months.  Lots of drama again, with some humor, and the performances by Goodman, Barr, and Gilbert keep this from getting too soapy.  Note that David is in Chicago but it's not explained why.  Did he take the graphic artist job after all, despite his in-laws winning the lottery?

Darlene's Doctor is played by Dann Florek, who was Principal Hiller before, as well as Mr. Woodruff on Ellen; he'd be back in this role on the following episode and get the last name Rudmen.

Roseanne: Some Enchanted Merger

Roseanne: Some Enchanted Merger
ABC
February 11, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C

Roseanne has a crush on Edward Wellman, Jr. (James Brolin again), to the point that she has daydreams about him in thought balloons.  Meanwhile, Mark gives D.J. bad advice on girls.  I couldn't get into either thread and was leaning towards C-, but I did laugh out loud at the "consummation" montage that includes not only a roaring fire but donuts and a Clinton-Gore victory.  Richard Paul is listed in the IMDB credits again, so I guess he was in one of the daydream sequences.  This is the first of three Roseanne episodes written by voice actress April Winchell.

Roseanne: Lanford's Elite

Roseanne: Lanford's Elite
ABC
February 4, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This episode manages to be both a little slow-moving and a bit forced, although it's only when we see two clips from the season-one-closer that it's evident how much of the raw energy has gone from the show.  (I tagged Natalie West, even though Crystal doesn't have any lines.)  At the Lanford Country Club, Roseanne meets Edward Wellman, Jr. (James Brolin in the first of two cameos), son of the Wellman family who owned the plastics factory that Roseanne and Jackie used to work for.  He convinces her to buy the factory for $1 million, and then she'll turn it over to the workers.  Richard Paul makes his first of two appearances as an apparently nameless character and doesn't look much different than he did in the early '80s on Match Game.  Allan Stephan wrote the story, but the teleplay is the first of two Roseanne writing gigs for Richard Whitley, while Whitley's partner on the teleplay, Bob Rubin, had played an Audience Member earlier in the season.

Roseanne: The War Room

Roseanne: The War Room
ABC
January 28, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Not much happens in this Bob Nickman story, where Roseanne has been lying in bed eating junk food for four days, out of depression, and the family tries to pull her out of it.  This is the episode where she and Jackie turn the diner over to Leon and Nancy.  Heather (Matarazzo again) returns and meets Roseanne.  Note that Roseanne makes a reference to Ellen DeGeneres being "Lebanese."

Roseanne: Hit the Road Jack

Roseanne: Hit the Road Jack
ABC
January 14, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Barr wrote this downer episode where Roseanne C spends most of the episode driving around, listening to the radio, and eating junk food, as she avoids Dan before he flies back to California.  Fishman gets a rare chance to show his dramatic chops, when D.J. yells at Dan, and then later in the episode he meets a quirky girl, Heather (Danzaly named Heather Matarazzo in her first of four appearances in the role), who shares his love of film.

Roseanne: Say It Ain't So

Roseanne: Say It Ain't So
ABC
January 7, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
B

This Nancy Steen story is definitely more drama than comedy, with the comic subplot being D.J. wanting to film Darlene's birth but grossed out by the videotape of her (unseen) friend Janet's birth.  It's the day after Christmas and Jackie confronts Dan about the phone call she overheard.  It turns out he has feelings for his mother's nurse but they haven't (yet?) had sex.  Jackie says that if Dan doesn't tell Roseanne, she will. Dan eventually does and both he and Roseanne say this wouldn't have happened if not for the lottery money.  Jackie is the audience surrogate, sharing our anger and disappointment in Dan, although of course in retrospect we know that it didn't "really" happen like that.  Nonetheless, at this moment in time, in the middle of the final season, early in 1997, a near perfect husband and father has failed his family and us.

Note that Darlene is 25 weeks along, which means she would've conceived in early July, which doesn't exactly match up to her plans in the proposal episode to take summer classes, or to D.J. worrying about missing school for the Disney World trip.

Roseanne: Home for the Holidays

Roseanne: Home for the Holidays
ABC
December 17, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

Barr wrote the story that Lawrence Broch based the teleplay on, but this is no flight of absurd fancy.  Dan comes home and is warmly welcomed by his family and the studio audience.  However, something feels off, especially in his treatment of Roseanne.  Jackie overhears him talking to someone he misses, someone who looks after his mother.  She and we realize that Dan is having an affair.  The fallout would begin in the next episode.

Allan Stephan's last onscreen role is Santa Claus in the tag.  Note that the Christmas episode of four years before (with everyone snowed in at various locations) was called "It's No Place Like Home for the Holidays."

Roseanne: Mothers and Other Strangers

Mary's house is full of Shelley Winters memorabilia, a nice touch.

Roseanne: Mothers and Other Strangers
ABC
December 3, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Barr & Mort story has Roseanne wondering how Dan will adjust to the changes in her and in their home when he returns for Christmas.  Meanwhile, Bev visits Nana Mary's home and the two of them talk some things out, although Mary can't tell Bev who her father is.  While this episode doesn't exactly get things back on track, it's a hopeful sign, and it's only in retrospect that Roseanne's line to Jerry about "some crazy lady making all this up" is not just about Roseanne Barr but about Roseanne Conner.  Darlene, looking like she's maybe five months along, is again the voice of reason.  As for the other plot, this is Shelley Winters's last TV appearance, although she'd live for almost another decade, and it's a nice one to end up on, she and Parsons showing their acting chops, despite their sometimes cartoonish characters on this show.

Roseanne: Home Is Where the Afghan Is

Roseanne: Home Is Where the Afghan Is
ABC
November 26, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Not a great episode, but it's nice to have a semi-normal story, written by Lawrence Broch, with much of the cast.  (Dan's absence is emphasized, but we never learn why neither Becky is there.)  Roseanne has Thanksgiving catered but misses cooking, and she's adjusting to the new interior decorations.  Darlene is a nice reality check.  However, the thing of Bev drunkenly outing herself, after saying how awful it is that Scott and Leon want to adopt, is forced.  (I did keep an eye out for Gilbert's reactions though.)  The Prince turns out to have been educated in Texas, so that's equally implausible, if perhaps more comfortable for Varney to portray.

This time Bob Fuller plays a Caterer.  I'm omitting Cole Roberts and the Hazen twins from the overcrowded tags.

Roseanne: Roseambo

Roseanne: Roseambo
ABC
November 19, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
D+

Well, it's not the worst Roseanne episode, but it might be the furthest from the basic concept of the series.  Written by two people who didn't work on any other of my shows (or do much else according to IMDB), this has Roseanne and some of her family accompanying Dr. Bakshi (Iqbal Theba again) to Washington, D.C.  The train is hijacked by multi-ethnic misogynist terrorists from Monistat.  (Yes, a yeast infection joke, and Roseanne defeats one terrorist with a tampon.)  I know Barr would later claim that this episode was a metaphor for her dealings with men in Hollywood, but if she's making a feminist point, why are her mother and sister bigger ninnies than ever?  Not that Mark and D.J. come across much better of course.  (That even Sarah Chalke sat this one out tells you how little of a showcase it was for the rest of the cast.)  The episode almost works as an action-movie parody, but it's too muddled.  It's easily the strangest episode of the series where we're supposed to believe that these are real events in the lives of the Conner family, rather than some strange daydream.

Photographer Scott McKinley played a Party Guest earlier in the season.  Not only does this have Steven Seagal, Don King, and Mike Tyson as themselves, and a professional Hillary Clinton impersonator, but poor Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, whom we last saw as himself on Ellen, plays a terrorist named Louis.  Gary Halvorson had directed the "My Five Dads" episode of On the Television, but he was working with much better material then.  We'll see how he does with his seven remaining Roseanne directing gigs.

Roseanne: Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti

'90s Comedy Central viewers would get a kick out of the casting.

Roseanne: Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti
ABC
November 12, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Leif Sandaas co-wrote (with someone with almost zero other credits) this not-bad-for-Season-Nine story where Astrid Wentworth (Mo Gaffney again) invites Roseanne and family to stay with the Wentworths at Martha's Vineyard.  The class contrast is a little weak, but stronger than anything we've seen so far this season, even if the ultimate message is that the rich (or at least this rich family anyway) are basically nice people who just need to loosen up.  (And that Roseanne Barr would end up supporting an uninhibited rich man for President is one of history's ironies.) 

Note that the teenage girl of the household thinks D.J. is a "bad boy" and tries to seduce him, but he's a scared virgin.  D.J. is now 15 and this won't be the last we'll hear of his "love life."  Also, since I had to omit Fishman from the overcrowded tags thrice in the past, this is actually his 200th episode.

Stella Butler, who previously was a sassy Jerry Springer Audience Member, here is sassy Nurse Stella.  This time Phil Leeds plays Grandmama Lily.  Iqbal Theba would reprise his role as Dr. Bakshi in the next episode and would be on Ellen the following year.  Stand-up comic Dana Gould, who's Chip here, would also soon appear on Ellen.  Cole Roberts is still baby Jerry, and the Hazen twins are still listed for Andy, but Andy's hair is darker now.

Roseanne: Satan, Darling

Roseanne: Satan, Darling
ABC
October 29, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C-

Well, it's better than the spa episode, but still pretty random.  Let me just list the guest stars and then we can try to sort out the "plot":

• Mo Gaffney as Astrid Wentworth;
• Arianna Huffington as Estree Longet
• Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders as their Absolutely Fabulous characters Edina Monsoon and Patsy Stone;
• and Marlo Thomas as Tina Beige, "that witch" in the nightmare portion;

So, Roseanne Barr co-wrote this story with Erin Quigley, the series costume designer, which sort of explains some of the costumes, and then co-wrote the teleplay with Saunders.  And she directed it.  It's actually a surprise it's not worse than it is.

Roseanne [Conner] and Jackie go to a high society party with Nancy, who soon ditches them and disappears from the episode.  They mingle and are clearly going to be exploited for their newfound wealth.  In the spa episode, Roseanne just took the abuse instead of standing up to it, while here she has a drunken dream that takes the form of Rosemary's Baby, with eight-weeks-pregnant Darlene heavy with Satan's child.  The spa visit and Jackie's relationship with the prince are referenced, and Astrid invites the two sisters to visit her at her home, setting up another episode.  The series has clearly slipped its moorings by this point, but you can't exactly call it dull.  And, yes, I guess this counts as this season's Halloween episode.

Ernest Harada, who was Mr. Jan (from the school board as I recall) thrice on Welcome Back, Kotter, has a nameless role here.  Kathleen Freeman, who was a Seaweed Attendant in the previous episode, is Edna here.  Party Guest Scott McKinley would soon play a Photographer.  Phil Leeds's middle of three Roseanne roles is as a waiter.  And a grayed-up 41-year-old Jim J. Bullock (from Too Close to Comfort) is Al.

This is the 1600th sitcom episode I've reviewed.  Yes, we'll get to 1700.

Roseanne: Pampered to a Pulp

Roseanne: Pampered to a Pulp
ABC
October 22, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
D-

The shark ate well that night.  Roseanne and Jackie go to a spa and not only are there zero laughs but it's unpleasant to watch the two sisters get various treatments.  Even more than with Ellen and Paige on the "spa" episode of Ellen, I don't see why they can't just leave.  They're physically tormented and verbally abused.  At one point, a strict German woman makes what I swear is a Nazi joke that the laugh track doesn't get.  (She tells them it's time to go to the showers.)  I seriously considered an F+, but, while not exactly entertaining, it was sort of nice to see two Zappa children: Moon Unit and Ahmet (who had previously played Mark's friend Royal).  Dan and the kids are all absent here, which also does not bode well.

Yoga Instructor Jonathan Emerson was a Lucky Customer on Ellen a couple years earlier.  Ken Kells has his third Roseanne role, as Ken.  Colleen Camp's final Roseanne role is as Jill.  And Kathleen Freeman, who has a ton of credits going back to the dawn of television, here plays a Seaweed Attendant (possibly the German) and would soon return as Edna.  Sadly, this is Laurie Metcalf's 200th episode.

Roseanne: Someday My Prince Will Come

Roseanne: Someday My Prince Will Come
ABC
October 15, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C-

Janet Leahy and Carrie Snow's last Roseanne story is one that is ostensibly set in the real world, as opposed to the ones that are "daydreams."  But it's about Jackie being swept off her feet by Prince Carlos of Moldavia (Jim Varney, deliberately cast against type).  There's no conflict here, and not much humor.  Also, I'm supposed to believe that Roseanne would include Leon on a trip to Manhattan?  Varney would return only once more and I can't remember why Carlos and Jackie didn't stay together.  This plot thread would soon be overshadowed by much greater departures from realism.

Roseanne: Honor Thy Mother

Roseanne: Honor Thy Mother
ABC
October 8, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this story that Bob Nickman co-wrote with someone who didn't work on any other of my shows, we don't find out what the title means until far into the episode.  Dan is a funk, wondering about the meaning of life since the family became rich.  He realizes he wants to help his mom by taking her to a good psychiatric hospital in Santa Monica.  Meanwhile, Roseanne and Jackie plan a trip to a spa, which would become a plot in a couple episodes, but first we'll see an episode that builds on the tag, which includes the back of a head and voice of a character that (uncredited here, to keep it mysterious) would be played by Jim "Ernest" Varney.

Staff writer Allan Stephan here plays Allan.  This is James Pickens, Jr.'s last appearance as Chuck and I'm glad he's given something meaty to work with for a change, in the scene where he tries to talk to Dan.  Note that this is at least Leon's third time playing poker with Dan.  And sweet David's complaint about Darlene is that she won't let him spoil her.