Roseanne: The Truth Be Told

Roseanne: The Truth Be Told
ABC
March 18, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This Broch & Winchell story is never anywhere near as sharply satirical as it thinks it is, but there are some pretty good moments.  Roseanne gets a chance to sell her life story to network TV-- ABX-- and to the Home Movie Channel (HMC).  Meanwhile, Bev and Leon tell embarrassing stories about the Conners to a reporter from the tabloids, and unless we think they're very drunk and/or stupid, we have to assume that they're passive-aggressively seeking to embarrass Roseanne.

Ruta Lee returns as Bev's girlfriend Joyce.  Bob Fuller makes his final Roseanne appearance as the Clothing Salesman, while this time Johnny Dark is Frank Andrews.  Goodman's voice is heard offscreen, presumably prerecorded.

Roseanne: Roseanne-Feld

More bad advice about girls from Mark

Roseanne: Roseanne-Feld
ABC
March 4, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This episode doesn't really go anywhere with its three main threads and, unlike the first season or two, this is not just slice-of-life stuff, albeit more plausible than much of this season.  In one thread, Mark and Jackie go to see wrestling and she's invited onstage to participate, while he wishes he could join in.  Meanwhile, D.J. and his still relatively new girlfriend Heather (Matarazzo again) finally kiss and then consider having sex, with condoms, but he decides he'd rather masturbate in his room (yes, of course offscreen) with his dad's old picture of Julie Newmar (pronounced with the accent on "Mar").  And Leon and Scott meet Bev's new girlfriend, Lanford chanteuse Joyce (sixty-one-year-old Ruta Lee, recognizable for, among many TV roles, Lisa on Mork & Mindy, and Mrs. Dawson and Marsha Whitewood on Three's Company), and the four of them have a great time hanging out.  Writers Whitley & Winchell apparently don't know, have forgotten, or don't care that both Leon and Bev were established as alcoholics (I think the previous season or two), and have them get drunk without their partners being concerned.  But the show tunes are nice.

Spice Williams, who was Mosquito Woman on Out of This World, is Cincinnati Patti here.

Roseanne: The War Room

Roseanne: The War Room
ABC
January 28, 1997
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Not much happens in this Bob Nickman story, where Roseanne has been lying in bed eating junk food for four days, out of depression, and the family tries to pull her out of it.  This is the episode where she and Jackie turn the diner over to Leon and Nancy.  Heather (Matarazzo again) returns and meets Roseanne.  Note that Roseanne makes a reference to Ellen DeGeneres being "Lebanese."

Roseanne: Mothers and Other Strangers

Mary's house is full of Shelley Winters memorabilia, a nice touch.

Roseanne: Mothers and Other Strangers
ABC
December 3, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

This Barr & Mort story has Roseanne wondering how Dan will adjust to the changes in her and in their home when he returns for Christmas.  Meanwhile, Bev visits Nana Mary's home and the two of them talk some things out, although Mary can't tell Bev who her father is.  While this episode doesn't exactly get things back on track, it's a hopeful sign, and it's only in retrospect that Roseanne's line to Jerry about "some crazy lady making all this up" is not just about Roseanne Barr but about Roseanne Conner.  Darlene, looking like she's maybe five months along, is again the voice of reason.  As for the other plot, this is Shelley Winters's last TV appearance, although she'd live for almost another decade, and it's a nice one to end up on, she and Parsons showing their acting chops, despite their sometimes cartoonish characters on this show.

Roseanne: Home Is Where the Afghan Is

Roseanne: Home Is Where the Afghan Is
ABC
November 26, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Not a great episode, but it's nice to have a semi-normal story, written by Lawrence Broch, with much of the cast.  (Dan's absence is emphasized, but we never learn why neither Becky is there.)  Roseanne has Thanksgiving catered but misses cooking, and she's adjusting to the new interior decorations.  Darlene is a nice reality check.  However, the thing of Bev drunkenly outing herself, after saying how awful it is that Scott and Leon want to adopt, is forced.  (I did keep an eye out for Gilbert's reactions though.)  The Prince turns out to have been educated in Texas, so that's equally implausible, if perhaps more comfortable for Varney to portray.

This time Bob Fuller plays a Caterer.  I'm omitting Cole Roberts and the Hazen twins from the overcrowded tags.

Roseanne: Someday My Prince Will Come

Roseanne: Someday My Prince Will Come
ABC
October 15, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C-

Janet Leahy and Carrie Snow's last Roseanne story is one that is ostensibly set in the real world, as opposed to the ones that are "daydreams."  But it's about Jackie being swept off her feet by Prince Carlos of Moldavia (Jim Varney, deliberately cast against type).  There's no conflict here, and not much humor.  Also, I'm supposed to believe that Roseanne would include Leon on a trip to Manhattan?  Varney would return only once more and I can't remember why Carlos and Jackie didn't stay together.  This plot thread would soon be overshadowed by much greater departures from realism.

Roseanne: Honor Thy Mother

Roseanne: Honor Thy Mother
ABC
October 8, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this story that Bob Nickman co-wrote with someone who didn't work on any other of my shows, we don't find out what the title means until far into the episode.  Dan is a funk, wondering about the meaning of life since the family became rich.  He realizes he wants to help his mom by taking her to a good psychiatric hospital in Santa Monica.  Meanwhile, Roseanne and Jackie plan a trip to a spa, which would become a plot in a couple episodes, but first we'll see an episode that builds on the tag, which includes the back of a head and voice of a character that (uncredited here, to keep it mysterious) would be played by Jim "Ernest" Varney.

Staff writer Allan Stephan here plays Allan.  This is James Pickens, Jr.'s last appearance as Chuck and I'm glad he's given something meaty to work with for a change, in the scene where he tries to talk to Dan.  Note that this is at least Leon's third time playing poker with Dan.  And sweet David's complaint about Darlene is that she won't let him spoil her.

Roseanne: Millions from Heaven

With Robin Leach

Roseanne: Millions from Heaven
ABC
September 24, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B

Nancy Steen's first of two Roseanne stories, and Cynthia Mort's penultimate of six, picks up where the last episode left off.  Jackie comes over, with the babies, and tells Roseanne about winning the lottery.  She and then Dan react.  At least at this point, the shark isn't dining.  This is a funny episode, if bittersweet in retrospect about the Conners' intentions to not let money change them.  Had this been any other sitcom we've looked at, it would turn out they didn't win the lottery and life would go back to normal.  (As happened, for instance, on Gilligan's Island.)  Note that Darlene is more emotional due to pregnancy hormones.

Tory Christopher, who's a Conner cousin here, would be an Audience Member later in the year.  This is the last we'll see of Adilah Barnes as Anne-Marie; I wish they'd found more to do with her character, especially in recent seasons.  I'm less concerned about the loss of John McConnell as Bob, although he did what he could with the role.  I'm omitting Cole Roberts and the Hazen twins from the overcrowded tags.

Roseanne: Ballroom Blitz

Roseanne: Ballroom Blitz
ABC
April 30, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

Both Bev and Jackie vie for the attentions of dance instructor Hal (seventy-year-old Tony Curtis, as charming as ever, and the tag is a clip from Some Like It Hot).  Meanwhile, the wedding is getting closer, and Roseanne uses her TV gig to get free stuff.  David wants Dan to be his best man, but ends up with Mark.  Cathy Ladman and Carrie Snow, who'd previously appeared together as Cathy and Carrie, co-wrote this episode, Ladman's only, but it's Snow's middle of three Roseanne scripts.

Kathryn Joosten had previously appeared as a Supermarket Customer and is Carol, a woman in the dance class, here.  Seventy-seven-year-old Amzie Strickland, who has movie credits going back to the '30s, and who was on That Girl twice, The Bob Newhart Show twice, and Three's Company once, plays Agnes here and would be on Ellen a couple years later.

Roseanne: Morning Becomes Obnoxious

Roseanne: Morning Becomes Obnoxious
ABC
April 9, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
B-

In this Leif Sandaas story, it's two weeks till David and Darlene's wedding, and Bev is giving him a lot of unwanted advice.  Darlene makes him stand up to her grandmother, but objects when he makes Bev cry.  Meanwhile, Roseanne's outspokenness gets her a gig on a Chicago morning program (with LA newsman Jerry Dunphy playing the host who can't believe he's on such a fluffy show).  This time Bob Fuller is the Makeup Artist.

This is the 1000th time I've given out a B-, my default grade.

Roseanne: Out of the Past

Roseanne: Out of the Past
ABC
February 6, 1996
Sitcom
DVD
C+

When the highlight of the story, by Ogier & Costa, is poor Mark's wife, brother, and sister-in-law tricking him so he won't win Scrabble, that's not a good sign.  The two main plots are Roseanne and Jackie fighting over a childhood doll, and Dan and the guys, including Leon and Scott, discussing race and sexual orientation at a poker game.  This isn't nearly as terrible as the Thanksgiving episode of course, but Goodman looks physically uncomfortable delivering some of his lines.  (And he was fine in the "Fifties" episode because he could get into the stylized character.)  I might've gone with a C, but it's always nice to see Shelley Winters.

John McConnell plays Bob again.  David Tyree, who was Mose Powell earlier in the season, is the nameless Poker Player #6 here.  I'm omitting the Hazen twins and Cole Roberts due to the overcrowded tags, but the babies are featured prominently, more than D.J. actually.  And, as is traditional, I'm leaving out James Pickens, Jr.

Politically Incorrect: "The Rules" [fragment]

Politically Incorrect: "The Rules" [fragment]
Comedy Central
Late 1995?
Talk Show
VHS
B-

Host Maher and his guests-- Joan Rivers, Martin Mull, and two people I've never heard of-- discuss the infamous book The Rules, which apparently only Maher had actually read.  This doesn't stop Joan from pontificating from her own outdated viewpoint.  I laughed some, including at her, but I was too annoyed to go with a higher grade, which I think was typical for what I've seen of the series.

Roseanne: December Bride

Roseanne: December Bride
ABC
December 12, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Roseanne throws a very tacky wedding for Leon and his never-heard-of-before boyfriend Scott (played by Mull's Fernwood co-star Fred Willard).  I guess I should be glad that the episode isn't as soap-boxy as some this season, but the humor does feel somewhat forced.  Contrast this one with the Christmas episode of two years before, where there was a reason for Dan and Roseanne to offend the neighborhood association with their tacky decorations, while here she's annoying one of the grooms and just comes across as spiteful and tactless.

Staff writer Allan Stephan has an uncredited role here.  June Lockhart, who a few months ago was one of the TV Moms on the clip show, here plays Leon's mother.  Mariel Hemingway makes a quick uncredited cameo, playing off of her previous appearance.  Milton Berle allegedly makes an uncredited appearance as a Transvestite at the Wedding, but I didn't see him.  (He's possibly in the tag, which is omitted on the DVD.)

Roseanne: Roseanne in the Hood

Roseanne: Roseanne in the Hood
ABC
October 17, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

This episode starts out well, with Roseanne mocking David's "Chia beard" and facing competition from the new restaurant across the street, whose grand opening features "Schneider" (as Harrington is referred to throughout).  But then the teleplay by Mike Costa (his first of two) and Drew Ogier (his first of four), based on a story by Allan Stephan, and Roseanne herself go off the rails.  Not on a Season-Nine level but shark-teasing, as Roseanne and Jackie break into their rival's place and approximately sixteenth-month-pregnant Roseanne gets stuck in the vent above the oven (I guess the "hood" of the title).  Then Stomp shows up and does a dance number in the tag.

Roseanne: Shower the People You Love with Stuff

I love Sara Gilbert even more for rockin' a Felix the Cat T-shirt!

Roseanne: Shower the People You Love with Stuff
ABC
September 19, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

In this Lawrence Broch Season Eight Opener, Roseanne is still pregnant with her third daughter, but it's her older two girls who are acting like babies, although now 21 and 19.  Goranson returns and proves that she's Becky #1 in quality as well as chronology.  She and Gilbert pick up where they left off (Darlene even making fun of Becky's butt) and others react to their bickering.  Neither girl wants to throw a baby shower for their greedy mother, and meanwhile poor David throws a shower for the unappreciative men.  Note that Goodman has a full beard which no one remarks on, but there are lots of jokes about Becky being gone a long time.  (Sadly, the DVD doesn't include the Patty Duke Show parody, which you can find on Youtube, William Schallert cameo and all.)

John McConnell returns as Bob.  I'm omitting Adilah Barnes, Sandra Bernhard, and Natalie West from the overcrowded tags, but Anne-Marie and Nancy would return while Crystal would not.

Roseanne: Single Married Female

Roseanne: Single Married Female
ABC
February 22, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C+

Betsy Borns wrote this episode where both Dan and the story need Roseanne.  (Barr does appear as herself in the cute tag.)  Roseanne C. is visiting partially deaf Auntie Barbara (the one that Jackie had to call when her dad died).  Dan has to not only look after the kids (including babysitting nephew Andy), but he has to decide what to do when he catches Jackie with a male friend at the Lobo.  Jackie swears nothing is going on, but Dan is still worried.  After some advice from David (who, remember, not that long ago spied on Jimmy), Dan decides to tell Fred, who ends up leaving Jackie.

Fred would be in more episodes, but I get the feeling here and elsewhere that the writers really didn't know what to do with him once he and Jackie got married.  They were sweet together while dating, but maybe, as the episode's title suggests, a married Jackie felt like a contradiction in terms.  It's disappointing that it went this way.  Also, Borns further Flanderizes Mark as stupid, although obviously she's not the only culprit.  So, yeah, a C+.  Not the worst this year obviously, but below the quality of the series' middle years.

John McConnell again plays Dan's poker buddy Bob, who in this episode comes across as a poor man's Arnie, stupid and eager.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes his last appearance as D.J.'s friend George.  It's also the last appearance of Lords as Stacy Flagler, and she's only in the first scene anyway.

Roseanne: Lost Youth

Roseanne: Lost Youth
ABC
February 15, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B

This Bullard & Fromstein story pulls things further back on track, focusing on the characters and their relationships in a more realistic way than some episodes this season.  The "lost youth" of the title refers to that of both Jackie and Mark.  She feels like things are in a rut, especially when Fred is shocked at the idea of having sex in their car.  Meanwhile, Mark gets in a competition with David for the attention of Stacy (Lords), and it's unclear if he's doing this partly because he misses being a bachelor, or if he feels jealous of David's good SAT scores and chance of getting into college.  (David has turned his scholastic career around since last season, presumably making up for ditching school and living with Darlene.)  The relationship between the two Healy brothers is given more dimensions than usual, instead of just exchanges of insults.  As for Fred and Jackie, this will prove to be the beginning of the end for them.

Roseanne: Sisters

Roseanne: Sisters
ABC
February 8, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
B-

While there are still some cheap, unfunny jokes in this episode written by Michael Borkow, this is a definite improvement over the previous two episodes.  When Fred decides that D.J. is too weird to be visiting so much, Jackie pretends that Fred's opinion is hers, which causes a falling-out with Roseanne.  Meanwhile, Darlene has been lured home for her mother's birthday (which formerly was in October) by Dan claiming that Nana Mary died.  Becky and Darlene have an uneasy reconciliation, but when David tries to make peace, Darlene lies and says that she's much happier with Jimmy, especially in bed.  Darlene and Jackie confide in each other, and Darlene reveals that Jimmy dumped her.

Twins Garrett and Kent Hazen make their debut as baby Andy.

Roseanne: My Name Is Bev

Roseanne: My Name Is Bev
ABC
January 11, 1995
Sitcom
DVD
C

Bob Nickman's first of four Roseanne scripts is probably the worst of Season Seven.  That's not to say that a funny and/or touching episode about a long-term character recognizing her alcoholism couldn't be made, but this isn't it.  The jokes misfire (OK, the "herpes" and Michael Jackson ones are good if tasteless), and I'm not really clear what the point is of showing that Bev is using her disease to make other people guilty.  And what's with Roseanne's gratuitous homophobic remark to Leon at AA?  Not terrible, but we can see the shark licking its lips.  Note that Roseanne is three months pregnant now, although it was summer when she realized she was going to have a baby.

John McConnell again plays Dan's friend Bob.  Romy Rosemont, who's Margaret D. here, would be a nameless Woman on Ellen.

Roseanne: Follow the Son

Roseanne: Follow the Son
ABC
November 2, 1994
Sitcom
DVD
B

D.J. is tired of working as a busboy at the Lunch Box, while David is worried about Darlene's plans to move in with Jimmy (Danny Masterson, later of That '70s Show).  Joseph Gordon-Levitt returns as D.J.'s boring friend George, his hair closer to his 3rd Rock from the Sun look.  Future Roseanne writer Bob Nickman's third of four roles on the show is a Customer.  And Traci Lords makes her first of three appearances as "busgirl" Stacy Flagler, with a porno parody in this episode's tag.